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Monday, February 28, 2011

LIfe or something like it......

Ok so that old song "Momma told me there'd be days like this......" Yeah you know that one... WELL I HAVE HAD A MONTH FULL OF IT....... I am DONE done! Stick a fork in me or meat thermometer I well done. I mean cooked...

The last two weeks let alone the last 7 months have been let us just say eventful.... I mean first we have mom who falls and has surgery... Things were rocking in the USA when Jbear got injured and broke his femur, and so here we go we get through the holidays and the beginning of the year a little scathed but ok.... THEN BAMOLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bottom fell out right in our laps.... I mean life is stressful enough and I know all the God never gives you more, etc.. But God and I had a serious conversation yesterday... I hope he was listening, I know he was. For the last two weeks, I have literally done all I can via internet and computer with my english, crim law and other classes. I miss my professors. Really I do... And I know they miss me.. Thing is, what we have endured the last two weeks, would be enough to turn anybody's stomach.. Honeyboos, son, who resides in Louisiana, was diagnosed with for lack of a better term tumor on his brain. They did surgery this last week and all went well. We spent two weeks in Louisiana with him. Well first week we came home for 3 days and then left again. Lots of praying has gone on for us, him and the boys and mom and in general. I am appreciative of that. And thanks for it...And the first week we were home, I was on the way to school and got rear ended... Then come to find out Honeyboos best friend got it in the rear the same day. So we take our time and recover from that as we were preparing to go to Louisiana for little honeyboos surgery... We were half way through the middle of the wonderful delight of a city known as Dallas when momma called... I could tell when the phone rang it was one of those calls... I answered, and she began to sob uncontrollably.... I knew she was on her way home from the doctor and could not imagine what was wrong... So I finally got it out of her that she had been rear ended and pushed into another car.. Honeyboo, turned around.... I am not certain how fast he drove but last thing I remember was we were by reunion tower and next thing we are sliding sideways into the garage at Harris Hospital... So we got her cleared up and got a car so she would have one to drive in our absence and started yet once again for Dallas... You know sing with me "East bound and down......" It is still stuck in my head..... So we stopped by to check on our Vet at the VA and let the traffic clear out and as we left, Honeyboos sissy texts to say she had got it in the rear on the way home.... REALLY??????? Ok so I know they come in 3's but at this point I was about ready to hand over my license to the good hearted speedy folks at TX DPS.... Yes all are fine and the cars are all repairable well at least we hope.... But man all I can say is we must have we like to be hit from behind written on us somewhere......

But my need now, is for life to slow down to a simmer. I need to be home for more then an hour at a stretch. I mean my butt and brain think the only place I can study is in the car at 65 MPH or sitting outside waiting on somebody....... NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!! My bed has never looked so inviting as it did Friday night when we got home.... My shower well that was a refreshing treat.... I think it missed me as well... I know the dogs every time I grab my purse, look at me like are you leaving again???? And to top it off, none of this could have happened at a worse time then mid term exams week....So i got a little frustrated and thought God what did I do to piss you off???? But I did nothing... It was just circumstance and well you know..... Am I stronger because of it? I am not sure the jury is still out on that one.... This whole 7 month ordeal has given me reflection on what really matters and what should really matter... FAMILY be they blood or close enough to be blood they are there... I love all of you for all the prayers and support. I never knew how blessed all of us really were until now....

I have put into perspective what really matters to me as far as family and career... I know what I am supposed to do and will do it.... Even if that means I have to add a semester then so be it.... Life is too short to not count your blessings and give love....

That said I think I am gonna go sit in the backyard with the dogs and watch as the world goes by...

Friday, February 11, 2011

It's

So it is our 1 month anniversary. So far we have not managed to kill or mame each other or cause any harm. In fact we have not even had a serious fight. In a little less then a month, we will have been together a year and married 2 months. And no we have not in all honesty had a fight or even an argument. I am not sure at times what to make of that. I mean we do not even get irritated with each other and go to separate ends of the house. It's well odd I want to say disturbing but it is not disturbing. See that is what the original blog was about. Marriage is not so much a compromise as it is a compliment. You should love and respect each other unconditionally. You should be will to see the others point of view and hold each other up like pillars that hold a building. I get it now. Took me three times of trying this marriage thing to get it but I did. Our story is odd, and funny and scary. But it all took place. It is living history as they say. I would not trade him for the universe if it was offered to me. I knew three days after our first date, that I was in trouble in a good way. I knew that we would be together for life well ok for a long time. It was like putting on my old favorite flip flops. Then it just happened. This is one of those I would not change it if given the chance things. He has given unconditionally of himself. His momma should be proud. He has endured many things and I am grateful that he has not once made me feel alone through any of it. He has not only stood behind me and pushed me up but he has stood beside me even if he did not agree. That is why I love him. And I did not realize what the statement "I love you more then yesterday and only half as much as tomorrow" really meant. I do now. I realize more every day how much I am in love with him. Oh I suspect he knows I love him but does not really understand.

So with this being our first anniversary, and Valentine's Day, has given me a reflective period on just what I do love about him. It is a good time for all of us to reflect on what about our "significant others" made us love them. Think back to when you first met and how giddy he made you feel. Think about the "things" you used to do for each other and to each other. I bet if you thought about it you would smile. There are many books out there on marriage and making it work, but for us we found that only one book truly worked, the good book, the bible. You never know what you might find. And when you read about submitting to each other, it means more then giving in or doing what you are told, it means listen to each other, hold each other, laugh with each other and love each other unconditionally.

Now, that I have made half of you cry and half of you barf I bet I can make all of you laugh.... Ok honesty we have not had an argument or fight but yes oh yes he has irritated me to the living end. But you know what I still love him for it.. He makes me laugh and cry and want to strangle him all at the same time.....
So when the big day comes Monday, just remember yes she or he would love flowers or chocolate, but the most important gift you can give is yourself and your unconditional love to each other. It is all that it takes to make it work.

And for my single friends, a wise man once said to me (R.I.P. Mr. Hodgson) STOP looking for love and it will find you when you least expect it and in the most unusual place. And you know what, if I could say one thing to the Hodgson, it would be DARN IT you were right again. (In another post I will explain Mr. Hodgson for now though he was right). You will as Mr. Hodgosn put it, not find it in a bar or other adult venue you may be walking down the street when it hits you. For me it sort of did...

Night and Happy Valentine's Day.... Love and smooches darlings.....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

My 7-11 Runt

I am writing this on in all black... After I wrote my previous post, it bothered me as this maybe part of my grumpiness..... MY JAVIBEAR turns 15 tomorrow and gosh darn it I am not happy one bit. I mean really Blondie just turned 18 2 months ago why does this milestone have to happen now??? Can these "little people" not give me time to adjust before they do things like aging???? Seriously!!!!!! I had thought about it and pondered it but really tried to put it out of my head... That is it I can pretend it is not happening... 

So why do I call him the 7-11 runt??? I mean he is 6'3 and weighs 260 something and built like you know what. Although he lost a bunch of weight when he broke his femur, he is gaining it back and his appetite as well. See his "other family," his coaches call him Big G.... Momma calls him Javibear or runt... The runt is this, he was the smallest of the bunch when he was born weighing in at a whopping 7 lbs 11 oz.... So we call him  7-11 runt.. He likes it and laughs about it... One time he asked me if we named him 7-11 because that was where he was born... Nope your oldest brother weighed 12 lbs 4 oz and your youngest 8 lbs 5 oz. So yep that makes you the biggest runt from 7-11 I have ever seen......No one really knows why he is so big... His father is not much over 5'9 if that and me well I am hobbit sized thats all you need to know..... But we suspect that he got his height from the males in my family... My grandfather was well over 6 foot, my dad as well... Runt has 2 uncles who are over 6 foot although one not by much, but perhaps he gets it from the females.. My mom and I are not so big and his other grandma is not very large either. But my grandmother, aunt, sister, and cousin well they are tall women... All of them are at minimum 5'9 to 6'0..So where he gets, no one really knows.
I am not concerned where he gets it, just that he has it. The ortho surgeon assured me that he is almost done growing as well they got to see the growth plates. Ha I am not holding my breath as well my cousin who is male grew several inches after he graduated high school...

The thing is, my 7-11 runt has one of the biggest hearts on the planet. He would give you literally his shoes even if it meant he had to do without. One time when he was a same child and yes he was when he was 5 we were driving in the not so pleasant part of town, where there is a large influx of homeless and he saw a little boy walking with no shoes, with his mom down the hot street. Javi said to me (yes it still makes me cry), "momma he has no choes (shoes), why?" As best I could tried to tell him why, and he literally threw a fit for me to turn around to give that little boy his shoes. I did and Javi gave that child his shoes (we were on the way to buy new ones for school). It was heart breaking as both boys were the same age. Then there was the time when we lived in the apartments, and he and I were cleaning. He had just returned from his mission trip from Alaska. We took the trash down to the dumpster, and in the bottom was a box with duct tape on it. It moved. I caught my breath. Javi dove in as I told him not to. He did not listen he kept telling me something was in there. Oh I was sure that something was in there and was already on the phone with the police and apartment manager. As I was relaying information to the police, Javi pops his head up and says "MOM LOOK!" There was something in his voice. I was afraid to look, but he insisted and told me "there is more." WHAT??? I knew it was a baby. And I was right it was, but not just one baby but three small puppies. The police fearing what I was had already summoned and ambulance and arrived. The officer walked up to me as Javi was handing me the last lifeless puppy. Javi said " mom something is wrong with this one." yes Javi there was. the officer helped Javi out of the dumpster and took the lifeless puppy to the ambulance. No it did not make it. But Jeffy came into our lives. He is Javi's and Javi is his.  It is funny to see this giant boy and his small dog (jeff is a miniature dachshund). But they go fishing and all kinds of things.... It is a good match of big and little....

And yes as I write this reflecting on all the things like the two above he has done, I cry. I have never feared for his safety, but feared he will become frustrated with the oddities of the world. Javi has a big giving heart. He loves everyone. He does for others and not himself. Oh he does for himself, but he does for others first. It is hard to let go when they grow up. This one I know will be a wonderful man. I am proud of him and all the things he has done.

That said HAPPY BIRTHDAY 7-11 Runt!!!!!!! Momma loves you. I am proud of you and stand behind you no matter where you go from here.... Have a super day.........

Grumpy

So today I have been a little grumpy to say the least... I have snapped but not yelled.. I am tired. Exhausted. This last week has been challenging to say the least. Part of it is I am stressing over an English assignment well tow of them to be exact and since we did not have class I have no way of getting a couple questions answered. Oh I emailed the Professor but have yet to get a response. So for the one assignment I am just gonna finish it and hope for the best. The other assignment, is for tomorrow when she has us doing "independent study" but the syllabus is not clear as to what it gives a basic outline of what we need to do in the library but not the assignment itself. So I am kinda stuck there. Nope no topic just basic info on how and what to use as research tools in the library. So I guess I will go and stare at the computers in the library tomorrow and hope for an answer. OH THE JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know professors are busy and possibly not in town but you would think that at some point they would have responded... Oh again I will hope for the best.

But the biggest reason for my exhaustion and grumpiness is the fact I am tired. Tired of going and tired of doing. I want and need a day where I have nothing to do for anybody but me. No dinner to cook, (leftovers are apparently not good enough), no laundry, etc. I am worn out. I have been going non stop since oh August and I really need to slow down. I think my frustration has been noticed by folks in the house, but my point is it is still not working.  I am just tired and frustrated.

I knew that taking on school full time with three kids at my age was going to be a challenge but I neglected to foresee the OTHER crap that can happen. Oh I am not angry or upset with my husband, or kids or mom I am just frustrated at what has been hurled at me in the way of life and I want it to cease and diciest. On top of that, I think I am trying to get sick.... Oh joy......

So now that I have depressed you, I will part. I am glad that we thawed out around here it was nice to see the sun today, and even though it is raining now, it is not freezing and that is welcome....

Night yall have a super week.... No worries, I will be back to myself in a few days......

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Husbands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Valentine's Days is approaching quickly... To my dear darling male friend foe, what are you getting her this year, diamonds, roses, candy or something more from the heart. Do not get me wrong with three couples teetering on the brink of divorce/separation (uhmmm read my third blog) those things are all wonderful but have you thought about giving her something really special???? Say something from your heart that no money can buy??????
Well at service last week, they were discussing in the marriage series, "how to think about husbands differently." It was an eye opening experience for some of the men when they thought and listened to pastor  say he has thought about what it would be like if god loved him the way he loved his wife. WOW!!!!! Those are powerful words to swallow. Think about it. What if God loved you and tolerated you sometimes, like you do your wife???? We all know that God would not do that but what if he did? I mean have you ever put yourself honestly in her shoes guys???? Have you ever been forced to be her for a day or even less then a day, and manage all the things she has to do and put up with????? Oh we women folk make it look easy for ya, but in reality it is not. I mean how many times have you called her just to say I love you or you are beautiful in the last month. ( I will make it easy on ya as I know the super bowl is just around the corner) Or just to tell her you miss her and wanted to hear her voice? Shocking isn't it??? Kinda hit a nerve huh?? For most of you yes it did. For some of you, you are looking at me like the confused puppy dog thinking well if she does it for me then i will do it for her. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh I am certain she will have the same reaction that I did and go "what did you do or what is wrong," but then she will realize how you do love her and care for her and about her. I know it all sounds childish but trust me this little step will get you a lot further then you ever imagined. You have to remember that we women are fickle creatures and need to be lifted up and made to feel like we are special, not princess or queen special that is for a whole other blog but special by you.....She wants to know you are there and not just there but really there... She wants to know you think about her and not just football, food, football, food and then her. Remember I told you that marriage was a compromise and commitment, and it should be a compliment as well. You should hold each other up like gorilla glue holds things. You should never go to bed angry or upset, and never let a day pass where you do not tell each other I love you at least three times. 

So there you have it, tell her you love her and are thinking about her. Skip spending on chocolate as she will just complain she is getting fat, and flowers will wilt, and diamonds well I don't know as I never really like diamonds, now bring me pearls oh lost track..... But you understand fellows she wants you not possessions or material items, she wants you. hey fix her dinner even if it is grilled cheese.......

Ice Ice Baby!!!!!!!!!!!

So it has become evident that 1) I do not know how to spell or use spell check..(just go re read a couple previous blogs) and 2) that at some point over the last week I have moved from my humble abode in Texas to what is now considered the TUNDRA formerly known as Texas. Geesh!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE COLD!!!!!! Ok I will give you that I enjoy the snow but only if it lasts no longer than a day maybe day and a half. The ice I can live well without. The only ice I want is in my drink. The bitter cold that we have had over the last month, has got to go.. Oh mind you we have had four maybe five 80 degree days or better and I like it that way. Now before you start on me, I am not one who gripes much about the heat in the summer. Mind you I do not like it over 80 but loathe it even worse below 55... So that said, we have become a house divided....

One would think a house divided is over football or other sports teams, ours however is not. See honeyboo was born in Indiana and from what I gather well let us say they have half their year with this crapola on the ground. So yes he knows how to drive on it and bundle up for it but me heck bundle what up??? I mean do I not have enough fat on me to stay warm??? NOPE not even close. So while he has been enjoying this stuff and I use the term stuff loosely, I have been like a panicked cat chased by a dog. That man got me out in this stuff all four days... He made me a nervous wreck until I have no finger nails left, and no hair to pull out. Is he crazy? Oh most assuredly he is that. I mean little ole me would rather stay in where I can set my own temperature and not have to slip slide away just to go get a coke. I know better. I have the sense god and granny ( god rest her soul she would tell that boy he was crazy as a bull in a china cabinet if she were here) gave me to know better. No now don't get me wrong, he is a good driver, it is not that it is the other cow idiots on the road and the road itself that made me want a double shot of something.  I tell you what Tuesday we attempted to go to that Wal something store, and it took us over an hour to get there, normally it takes 15 minutes at the most. Scared? You bet your sweet you know what I was scared. I think the boy gave me more gray hair on my head then the kids could ever conjure. 


And the kids.... Oh heavenly days!!!!!! Sweet potato pie and be quiet..... I have not in my life seen children who went from HOORAY no school to OMG when is school gonna open I am bored. Well sons, if all of you are that bored I have plenty for you to stay occupied with..... But no they would rather complain like roosters crowing about NO school.... They need to hush themselves as they have had more ice and snow days then my whole 12 years in the pursuit of my educational career. I can count on two hands from kindergarten to my senior year how may snow days we had... So enjoy it.
I am amazed though that knock on wood or my head, that the boys have managed not to pull off a good knuckle skinning, hair pulling brawl over the last four days. I am amazed at that. I think I may have had to have hurt somebody myself if that would have began... 

Ok so i digress, back to house divided..... See honeyboo being a yankee type and all ( well now he can not help it cause he was born NORTH of the red river I love him no matter) is how do they say it "climiatized" for the gutless pain that winter can bring. Yes he can drive on it but he fairs the cold as well as the hot. And to him all that pretty white stuff is just a mess to clean up. To me it is a horrid train wreck. I mean the man could look out the window and not cuss. I however ( and yes god and I will make up sunday) looked out the window and cussed so a sailor would have blushed. I know there are those of you who just love the snow I do but it only needs to stay about 24 hours and I want it gone like a train! He thinks it was funny to scare me by gunning the car up the hills to let the back end slide ( oh there was no chance of a wreck with me in there he would not hurt one hair on my head) and watch my reaction and screeching. The more i screeched the more he did it and laughed. IT IS NOT FUNNY! Sweetheart when it does this the whole entire state shuts down... He would tell me about the salt trucks and the plows and ask why we don't have them here... I would just have to remind him that rarely does this happen... Then it occured to me, rarely, huh??? THIS IS YEAR THREE IN A ROW IT HAS BEEN BAD!!!!!!!!!! I mean last year about this time we saw 13 inches of the stuff for two days.... So I guess this will be a house divided by the snow and ice.....

And on day 2 of ice under siege, that darn groundhog predicted an early spring! Well all i gotta say is if he is right then spring better hurry up and sprung or that groundhog is a wanted varmit. I mean it... I will load up the girls (the lilly cat and  my little boston terriers ) and we will go find us the Puxatwany Phil!! And we will get him good and proper and make spring happen.  

So all said and done, I am looking forward to tomorrow when it warms up maybe and begins to melt faster then oh I am at a loss tonight........My brain is frozen solid like a pond,  but you get the drift. 

Live from the frozen tundra of Texas good night ya'll...... 

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Frigid Drama

So here we sit.... Iced in and snowed in... Not like the snow up north or in Alaska but still.... Now do not misunderstand me I like the snow but not when it lasts like this. Frankly it blows but I have learned over the last couple of years to deal with it. I mean I am well maturing shall we say and my kids have had more ice and snow days off from school then I did my whole 12 years there. It is fair I tell myself. Secretly though I want to wiggle in it and throw big fluffy balls of the stuff at my kids. And so here we venture off onto day two of snow 2011. Well it gives me time to catch up on homework that I sort of did not accomplish yet. It gives honeyboo time to get the walls and floor finished. And the kids well they will eat their way through tomorrow... It will be fun.. No not really... See for me EVERYBODY being home well it gets cramped and I begin to panic a little as I am just that way. Large crowds make me extremely nervous as does being cornered in one spot. It sucks. I have managed over the years to deal with the nervousness that it brings. I just have to keep myself busy tomorrow to not let the panic take over. Now how we came about a 4th child.. Yes a 4th....

Blondie has a long time friend who was not in a good situation. The circumstances are not my affair, but the child needed a place to go. So we gave him one. It was his decision and his alone. He talked with Gma and they worked out a deal. But in the process I am being blamed for interfering. Maybe perhaps, but explain to me how? So I am also dealing with all that drama from said accusers. Some times I wonder what makes people do the things they do. I wonder how often people shut their mouths and really listen and accept that we all got issues. How often can people take the stone cold hard truth that they have problems? Seriously, after what was said about me by someone who does not even know me or my family and is going off hearsay and openly admitted that I wonder exactly where they were when this happened? I mean think about it. And I am certain my oldest child said things and some of those things were taken out of context but it is no one's right to judge me or my family.

We all need help from time to time. We all have to learn who we are and what we want from life. It is a journey if you think about it. Sometimes, the wheels come off the wagon so to speak and you have to take time to repair those wheels before you can put them back on and make the wagon go. Another analogy would be a puzzle... You take it out and put it together. Then it gets knocked off and you pick it up. Then when you attempt to put it back together again, there always seems to be one little piece that does not go in there any more. And there you go you puzzle is no longer complete. So that one piece that does not fit may have to go into another puzzle or be reworked so that it will fit again. If you try to work on it, then the piece will fit again. Again, it is not my affair as to whom in the situation is right or wrong or who should get the blame. My issue is to see that the boy gets what he needs and help that he needs to try and maybe make all his pieces fit again. Even though that means taking him in for shelter, food, clothing and love.It is something that needed doing no matter what the circumstances.

That said the journey of all our lives are filled with pieces and potholes and sometimes craters. It is how we deal with these and what we do with them that makes it work or fail. Place blame? Or say you know what I am going to figure this out. Placing blame is easy for anyone. It is hard for one who wants to stand on his or her own two feet and say ENOUGH already. Every human has a breaking and turning point in life. Every human has to make a heavy decision at some point. If a human does not, then there are serious issues.

So I feel better. Wish us lots of luck this next week as we all venture down a new road. Honeyboo starts his new job next week so this should prove to be fun.

And I think now since it is 13 degrees out I am going to shower and snuggle down in my bed.

Night all have a great frozen week. Live from what seems to be the frozen tundra, night.