I don't wanna grow up I am a TOYS-R-US Kid

Ok so now that we are all going to try and slumber with that in the old head, let me tell you where I am at. Tonight, I am conflicted and convicted..My heart and my head are flip flopping places a lot.. I wish I could tell you that it was a good thing  and seemingly for the most part it is and that Honeyboo was or is causing it but well ok he is causing some of it but not all of it. It is well a decision I have to make about me and frankly what I wanna do when I grow up..  A lot has happened in my absence from writing and man I could fill a couple volumes tonight.. My head is spinning... I am tired, and worn out.. I am nauseated from the medicine they have me on and it matters not what I do before taking it nothing helps.... And yes I am blaming him for that too... Ohhhhh!!!!!!! Now don't get too excited there just because my HCG level is elevated that does not mean squat...  Ok so I am in denial but I am remaining that way until a professional type tells me otherwise....

I have come to a place where this whole school thing has me a little worried and I am not certain which direction I want to go.. Do I take the left fork or the right fork or hit the tree? I could be like Buster baby dog, and SMACK the tree head on but I am a fluffy gal so I would not roll but bounce.. I am certain if a doggie could get a concussion he most likely has one.. I digress.... Life is good.. I want it to stay that way. Part of my nausea is that old pit of my gut nothing is gonna satisfy until I give in and just (excuse the language here) NUT UP AND DO IT....... I hear ya up there and you have sicked her on me and now I hear both of ya.. Problem is I just wanna be sure I hear ya kinda like when you sent me to this place in life.... I am not worried just wanna make sure I understand you loud and clear..... 

I think I got what no I am certain I got what I needed as conformation today.. His Little Feet children's choir from Haiti came to sing at our church today. I had to literally hold back tears until I no longer could. See a little secret about me most well NONE of you know ok some of you but not all.... I have a strong heart for the weak, and helpless children and elderly. I have a strong compassion for those who are more then less fortunate then me and others around me. Sometimes with all the "thing" in life that I have and my own little monkeys have, I forget that other little ones, do not even have clothes. The elderly I ache for them as it seems they are forgotten by society and pushed away especially when things go wrong. Although I will give you this, at a certain age they do need to lose their driving privileges.... just saying..... Scares me a little.. And yes I will be more then happy to drive them.... Ok so now that I have gone off on my tangent, let me get back to the beginning... Since High School, I have desired to be an attorney and eventually a judge. I was hoping by now that the later would have happened... It did not so I am dealing with the fact that I will have to have hearing aids, and a driver (yes a driver) to take me to sit on the bench of the court and preside over lord knows what.. I am ok with that. Thing is, I wanted still want to do juvenile and family law. I know just don't tell me I am crazy I know this already. So when I started back to school I signed up for teaching history. I love history do not misunderstand me but teaching and me should not be allowed in the same sentence. So then I was just gonna be a livley probation and or parole officer. Ok so here we are now... I have given in. I have heard you. 

My friends, this next statement requires your full support for the next 6 years... I AM GOING TO DO FAMILY LAW... Not just family law, but adoptions. Watching those kids today, broke my heart. There are 15 of them and none of them have parents let alone blood family any more for what ever reason.They are happy I mean that they are happy kids. They do not have to have all the finer things in life they are just happy to be shown love and grace and have clothes on their backs. I suspect if you ask them, none of them know what an XBOX is or an Ipod. Maybe they do but they live for the Lord and themselves. 

I know what adoptions mean and how much work is involved and that it is a heart breaking, gut wrenching thing. I know I will want to "bring in the strays" Oh I know and so do all of you...( and yes my friend who is doing adoptions you can use my services free=) But it is what I am supposed to do.. I talked to god today during prayer time and told him "ok so this is what you want this is where you want me to be? Are you sure?" I did not hear from the big dude but I got the nudge of YOU DINGBAT listen to my words, read my lips, no new taxes.. Oh wait the listen to me you will do fine. 

So it is going to be a long road. I have also decided on the fact I will not and I repeat will not try and take more then 12 hours in any given semester no matter how good it looks. In fact 9 hours a semester sounds just ducky... I am aging you know.. Although today an older lady did tell me I look 10 years younger then I did 6 years ago.. Oh my she stroked my ego, and the other day Honeyboo was told by a service agent via phone that "his daughter" had taken care of it... heeeeeeeheeee OOPS guess I should not gloat in that... And I have been accused of being the kids sister especially the oldest monkey... heeeeheee.... Oh got lost again.... Told ya my head and heart are doing flip flops.... 

So as I depart from you tonight, let me say this... I tell the boys this all the time, Do what you love, love what you do and when it becomes to much like working then find what it is you need to do. You have to listen. Otherwise you are lost. Trust me if you think about how much "stuff" you have and then you think about the small ends of the earth and how less they have you will to make sacrifices for you. It has not been easy but we have all managed and survived. Trust me you will go places you have never been...

So I am gonna grow up and not be a toys-r-us kid, well ok we all know I will. I mean there is proof of me jumping on a trampoline and with whipped cream in my hair floating around on the net on facebook. Did I just admit that??? Oh lord. But I am gonna do what I love and what my heart aches for. 

Good night, sleep tight and let the bed bugs bite.... Smooches....