It is not right to eat the crayons!!!!!!!!!!

As for the title well just read and hang on to the end... Maybe it will explain itself.... So here it is the end of the semester and although there is stress brewing in my belly, I am at peace with it. I have no clue where this summer will take me all I know is I listened and I am doing. No I am not taking this summer off, quite the opposite... I have a Maymester class and a Summer II class along with 2 on line classes.. I can do it I just have to do it. 

Yes I know I should be rejoicing with the rest of my fellow Americans about Osama's or Usama's  demise but honestly right now I am numb about it. Yes I care but not that much.. Currently my brain is on over load and my mind has taken a vacation to a tropical paradise with tanned men who are toned and those little umberllaled drinks with names I can not spell....OH crap see there ya go!!!!!!!! 

Oh we honestly should not be happy and celebrating. Well we should but when I think of the lives that have been lost in all from men and women who literally gave up what they were doing to go fight it kills me that we should have any joy. Not to mention the 3000 lives that were lost simply due to the fact that they were at work or on a plane who knows why. I am not certain that one soulless life being lost is worth the thousands upon thousands who have perished at the hands of this evil man. Is it really justification? No it is not. This makes us no better then he was by killing him. Do not misunderstand me here I have not completely lost my mind, but really does this right all the wrongs of what he did? Again NO! And again I am happy that he has been taken out of this world but my real fear is what happens next? My cousin said it best, when she said ok so we got him but that means that there is only 1000 more lining up behind him. And who knows they could be worse. Again do not misconstrue what I am saying I am glad he is gone but honestly people how can we as human beings justify one life for another? And better yet what exactly have we learned from this? Hmmm. Yes you do not like it when I point out these things. I have heard many many times over the years that history repeats itself and we should learn from our mistakes, but honestly what have we learned from this? Well one thing is we have folks voicing their opinion on this that and the other such as "well Obama did what Bush could not" right on down to and I was guilty of this, "Obama just got the presidental bid for 2012." And then we have the " Obama did not do it the military men and women did it. " OK enough folks. Get off the fence and take a stand. All we have managed to do in the last 72 hours is create tension between us and the rest of the free world by our actions and ludicrous bickering about who did it. Perfect example overheard on a phone conversation between a grown man and who knows who but he was arguing that Obama was the one who ordered the "hit" and therefore he should get the credit. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!! Wow how did that happen?? Go figure....Well let us see WHO SHOT JR???? Holy Crap folks grow up and and get real. It does not matter on the grand scale of things, what matters is what can we all take away from this and what can we do to stop these idiots? First we have to stop the inner bickering amongst ourselves. If we do not take something away from this mess, like the fact that we should all agree to disagree then we have done nothing to help those countless lives that gave of themselves. I mean after 9/11 there was so much support by Americans for Americans that there was a sea of red, white and blue. People were respectful and courteous to each other. Yep how did that work, well in my observations, it lasted about 3 weeks before we all went back to being normal and in a hurry and disrespectful. I mean how freakin sad is it that a Home Owners Association has the balls and nerve to tell a Veteran who fought for our freedom that he can not display his flag or other memorabilia? And how freakin said is it that we are all so afraid of hurting someone that we have done things like take the Pledge of Allegiance out of schools for fear that we will offend someone? It is pretty damn sad it what it is. Or the fact that we have jerks who are protesting funerals of the very people that are fighting for our freedoms. I mean you think that they will or would have protested Mr. bin Laden's funeral? Most likely not. They would rather protest someone who no longer has our freedom to argue back. See what I mean. Why do that to the families of these people. And I have heard many survivors families say that this has given them closure. Really? Can you tell me how that bin Laden's death has brought you closure? Please if I am wrong you all know I will admit it but I just do not see how...... So least we not forget those who have perished not just in Afghanistan and Iraq, but the other Wars that perhaps had to happen but yet were senseless in need. That is it. There you people wanted to know how I honestly felt so I told you. And half of you won't like my opinion but that is how I feel.So if you do not want to know, then do not ask me.. I can go on for days but I have to stop........ Now I am off the big soap box. And yes it is Ivory!!!!!!!!! (as in Ivory soap)ha.

So we got the big Eskimo through the scope and cleaning and all is good... Just the normal restriction coupled with ICE ICE baby ice ice baby oh lost my head again any way you get it... He is sore but none the less he is breezing through this better then 6 months ago..... People commented on how bad it looks, but thing is he has 3 tiny holes and 3 or 4 stitches this time compared to the 17 he had in October.... So as he said, I will take this over the other mom any day.........Curly is doing better as well as he has decided that things are just the way they are and he can not change a person. Blondie is sort of enjoying his job and got rather excited when the Eskimo and I came through the drive through today.. Although the little booger has tomorrow off...Just you wait Blondie momma has plans for you........ ( yes there is a devious smile on my face.)

I know I am rambling here but there is a point to all this madness. This is my therapy...Keeps me from eating the crayons....... So just let me vent...Seriously though there are just somethings that should not be discussed and when they are we should all agree to disagree..... Now I have been dropping hints about mother's day and all anyone has said is from the big eskimo, and that is "happy mother's day I got you my knee scoped." Very funny little big man... very funny... Oh but see there sweetie I have the keys to your rehabilitation workout in my hand and I am so not afraid to use it........ notice the devious smile on my face..... 

anyhoo i seriously have to get this powerpoint ready for saturday and have not a clue what i am going to do it on. so i guess it is off here and facebook and see what i can do.... wish me luck... and remember when life gets you down it is not politically correct to eat the crayons!!!!!!!!!!

Smooches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Curly

So in a week filled with ups and downs emotion wise, I am headed bright and before the air breathes to take the Big Eskimo off to have his knee scoped and cleaned out. And I am a little disappointed that I will not get to see the BIG WEDDING tomorrow... ( ok not really but a little) Not as big of an ordeal as back in October when he had the BIG CUTTING done but none the less it is well scary... I mean since then he has grown to 6'4 and weighs 278, and well I can not cradle him and carry him like when he was 5.

Case in point, they all 3 have grown... And not just in height.... Blondie, has got a real job. He currently can be found slinging fries with the best of them a McD's.... This was  a BIG ego and self confidence booster for him, but I am just happy he is no longer surfing the couch. Ok so we all know here that I am a big loser when it comes to them but still......

And Curly, well he has had it the hardest this week. A large dose of reality set in Tuesday night and there was sort of an "intervention" if you will.. Oh not to worry he is not taking illegal or legal substances or drinking but he wishes he was as it might help or so he may think, but a family sort of I TOLD YOU SO but without the I told you so... See has father, has always catered to him. Whatever Curly wanted he got no matter the sacrifice. But I did not know how much psychological "damage" I have caused Curly... See when he was smaller then he is now, and Blondie was having "issues" I sent him to his dad. I explained what was going on and thought he understood but he did not...Simply put I was in fear for Curlys life.... Well Blondie got right and stopped and this last spring Curly moved back home for good.. I remember the day well, as he cried and said he never wanted to go back over there (to his dad's) again. Well he has a time or three but he has not enjoyed the trip. So long short of it, Curly has had a hard dose of reality in the fact that good old dad has chosen her and baby over him.

The older two have long since discovered what he is about without my mouthing or doing anything. They sold him down the river years ago and have little to nothing to do with him. But Curly I guess hoped it would not come true for him. It did. And it hurts. And frankly part of me wants to go kick dado in the rear and make him holler. Then the other part of me says try yet one more time goof ball to talk some sense into him. Although watching paint dry would be easier. For the most part I have remained neutral about the whole situation. I have listened to the Big Eskimo cry over it and listened to his pain and encouraged him to talk to his dad. He did to no avail and gave up. Blondie even attempted not only on his own behalf but the Eskimos as well. This is one of those I HAVE THE ABILITY TO REMAIN SILENT, but I AM NOT SURE I CAN DO ITs...... Oh I know but if you know the situation and you know what all has happened, then you know that I have stayed out of it for years. But when you make one of my monkeys cry I AM GONNA WHOOP ON YOU>........... But then my good sense nerve kicks in and I realize that all I can do as helpless as it seems is just be there. I wish there was an iphone or android app or pill for Curly to make him feel better but alas there is not. The best thing that I can do for my little Curly is love him and encourage him.

And I can plot things in my head right??? I mean I can pray for him right???? Oh ok so I know that I really should not pray that he I do not know but you understand me here.... And I know God is gonna deal with me on this one... He already has.... So ok I admit maybe I prayed that he  would fall going off the back porch steps but it is ok right?????? Or that he would get abducted by little green men right????? Alright so what can I have my imagination here??????

But seriously, this is one of those I feel so dang helpless and of all weeks for this to happen, TAKS week... Oh yes just one more stresser for the week on the little monkeys..... Oh well it is not for publication but you my teacher friends and teacher to be and parents you know what I am thinking....... UH huh...... TAKS.... See my evil little smile?????

Crap there I go again rambling.... So ok I promise I will not do anything mean, and I have forgiven him for the things that happened but again I feel helpless..... So that said I am taking Curly to get Ice Cream BEFORE school tomorrow... Oh crap have to take the BIG ESKIMO first.... But alas Curly will get revenge I think..... He already has in his own little way...

So to all three of you, yes you all three make me wanna committ hairy carry.... You all three make me cry but momma loves you the mostest of all.....

Now we just have to teach Blondie how to make mac and cheese so he will never be hungry......


Night ya'll and if any of you dvr's or tapes the big show tomorrow I WANNA KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! or else..... Don't make me come over there..... =)

The Greatest Man I knew.......

This is the one I originally began to write tonight.... But The Big Eskimo took first place.... So now it is down to business.. This one comes with a warning though, you most likely will need a whole box of kleenex or puffs or hell just get the hand towel from the bathroom.. Smooches..........Oh and I apologize in advance to my wonderful, loving husband it is about you sweet but he came first.....

Oh they say little girls marry their dads. That is true for some but others not so true. In my case it was my grandfather. I married the third time my grandfather, I just did not know it but I am slowly finding it out. There is no other love like grandpas love. It is strong, and fun like ice cream. So this is the true story of how I have come to realize I married my grandfather. There are vast differences but so many things like him it is amazing.

We moved to the lake with Grandpa and Granny when I was about 4. In essence if you question me I will tell you that they raised me. Oh sure Mom was here and there but for the most part I was left to design with Granny and Grandpa. It was fun. I got away with things that most kids would not have. And most times, I had Grandpa's undivided attention. He taught me to ride a bike. Oh lord there were many a skinned knee and he had to hold his stomach in to keep the vomit back from the blood. He would scoop me up and bring me to Granny to doctor. Then we were right back at it. He helped me learn to roller skate down the big hill in the back driveway. Oh it is not so much of a hill now that I am older but back then it was a mountain compared to now. He taught me how to fish, and bait a hook although I refuse to touch the slim of the minnows or worms.Many nights were spent at the kitchen table, he beer in hand and me root beer in hand listening to the Rangers.I remember all that as if it were yesterday. He even cheered them on when it seemed no one else would. I am not certain what his addiction to baseball was but during the season, you knew where to find the two of us.  I miss that. This year after the Rangers won the World Series, I cried out of sadness that he was not here on earth so we could listen to it together. Even after they televised the games, he would still sit with the radio at the table or out on the back patio and listen to it.  Sunday's though during football were left to the men... When I was sick, he would give me coffee and peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Oh looking back I think I faked a few illnesses just to hang out with him.I would follow him like a lost dog round and round the yard while he mowed most times on my bike, but others on foot. I would help him change the sprinklers out when it came time. I know I aggervated him, tell me what other girl had her grandpa to herself 24/7? The coffee was the best part.I remember onetime I had this dreaded stomach thing. Not like the virus we have now, but worse. He went with mom when I dehydrated to the hospital. He even bought me a poo bear and a lenny the lion. I still have both of them.

But Grandpa worked sun up to sun down for the railroad. ( yes there were train rides sometimes when I was sick. That was fun fun in the sun.......I got to blow the whistle...) When he came home the the fall, spring and summer there was always plenty of work that had to be done. That was the best part of my day when he came home. I never realized until I got older that Grandpa working like this was well a health hazard. When you work like he did you learn that there is nothing else you learn to do. Oh he had time but he felt like he did not . I remember that he would work until it was done even though he was flat out exhausted. I watched him work tirelessly. Not just on house chores but me things that I thought I needed done. One year, he built me a chicken coop as I got some baby chicks. He built it as I watched and uh helped. That was the best chicken coop I had ever seen. He made it where the chicks had access to the grass but nothing could get them. A few years later, it was revamped into a rabbit hutch on legs with some stronger wire for the top and sides and a better roof for drainage. He did not want those hoot owls to swoop and get my bunnies. I remember that it sleated one year, and he in the wee hours of the morning, went out there to get Mrs. Bunny and Mr. Wabbit. To his surprise, those bunnies had multiplied and there was more of them. He carried them all in the house his arms full and granny hollering what in the hell is all that and where do you think we are going to put them? He knew. He hooked up a space heater in the garage and brought that bunny hutch in. It was about this time that he decided after 30 years with the rail road, he needed to retire. I noticed a change in him. He began to drink. People knew it but at the time I was too young to realize what was happening. All I knew was suddenly there was no more following him around like a lost dog.

Then tragedy happened. My big lumbering lab, who loathed motorcycles, the ups man, and loud trucks and buses was out in the driveway with him one day. Grandpa had been a part of me getting this one. He even helped teach that dog how to dive in the lake after me. The lumbering doggie of 2 years heard the bus coming down the hill. He also spotted a wild rabbit and even though he slept with 2 rabbits at night, he went after this one BAM! right in front of that bus loaded with 5 year olds. She could not stop no way, and the dog did not know what hit him. Grandpa ran to see about him and it was too late. Gone was he. Grandpa did the only thing he knew to do. He lifted that dog into the back of the pick up and off to the vet they went. The vet said he was sorry but he suffered no pain. Grandpa brought him home and dug a hole and buried him. Gpa then proceed to get drunk and come get me from school 3 hours early. He told them that he thought it was 3 in the afternoon. It was only noon. Things were not as they are now. No way today would they have let me go with him in that condition but the administration let me go. I just remember my 3rd grade teacher telling me she loved me and that if I needed something to call the school. We got home and I laughed all the way home as he swerved and ziged and zaged all over the road. Looking back God is the only thing that saved us that day. He did not tell me until we got home what had happened and I cried. No more Chase. No more fun. The mail man came and Granny had a package to pick up. By this time Granny was home and not saying much to him. I just remember I had gone to sleep and I woke up to her yelling and begging him not to go. He did anyway. He was gone a long time that afternoon. Soon evening came and still no sign of him. About 10 that night, we heard a loud noise outside. It was a tow truck bringing what was left of the old bomb ( the truck) home. Gpa had already been to the hospital and had stitches in his forehead and arm. I just remember Granny and he going at it again. They yelled for what seemed like hours. My mom told me I was no longer allowed to ride with him unless she or Granny was with us. I did not understand at the time why but now I do.

Seasons past and I grew up and was into my sophomore year in high school. He had changed and had begun doing things that were not normal for him. Long story short, he had Alzheimer's. It was about the early fall when my Granny's sister called for help and her to come to Arizona. She went and she told me she was sorry to leave me with all this but she had to go and that she was only a phone call away. We put her on a plane and my life changed as well. Granny had put Gpa in diapers as he would soil himself. It was like raising a kid. I figured at 15 that since he had literally raised me, I could raise him. It was out of respect and dignity that I did. Mom was at work one afternoon and the rangers had an afternoon game. I sat on the couch with the old radio and turned it on. He snapped out of his delusion long enough to listen. He never said a word to me he just acted like he was drinking a beer and smoking the whole time, even though he was not. I just kept talking to him. That would be our last game together. He progressively got worse. One afternoon, something told me I had to leave school early. I managed to go and am glad I did. I came home and opened the door, as he was by himself. I instantly smelled smoke and could see it billowing in the laundry room. I got his attention and told him he had to get out. He just sat there and looked at me and told me to stop playing. I grabbed him and shoved him out onto the porch. The freezer in the laundry room had shorted out and was sparking. If I would have stayed at school I can only imagine. I am not sure to this day why, but I just remember being mad at him for not listening to me. I mean did he not understand and know what was happening? No he did not. The Fire department came and I had him back in the house in his rocker. I waited for them with the front door open as I called mom as well. She threatened me not to call Granny yet but I did. I came in and checked on him and he was squatted down digging in the chair. I asked him what he was doing well not that nice but you understand I was frustrated and scared, and he turned around and told me "I am gettin us worms to go fishing come on jenaroo we gotta go the bass are running." I humored him as the firemen came and we went fishing in the living room off of the coffee table.  He even handed the firemen a beer or two and we went on. I do know he told them at one point that they better hush cause they were scaring the fish away. He even had a basket full of bass and a big old catfish. I will never forget this day. it is etched in my brain like a brand on the side of a cow. I did not know what else to do.

Thing go on and he gets worse. I had moved out and gotten married and had Blondie when the call came in that day. Granny was calling and begging me to come out. I told her I did not have the car so could she come get me and she told me no that Gpa was laying in the middle of the living-room floor and was refusing to go to the doctor. I told her to call the ambulance and I would be right there. I got there just as they were putting him in. I went to the hospital with them and the news was not good. He has suffered his first of many strokes. He went on living in a condition I never want to see anyone live in. I felt helpless as there was nothing anybody could do. I prayed for him to not be in pain and to just let go. Finally it happened. He went quietly and without incident. I was alone with him when it happened. I was 21 and had never really experienced death. I just know that the nurse was trying to comfort me and nothing would do.I know more about strokes and alzehimer's then most folks. I read all I could even though he was gone. I wanted to know what killed him and how to stop it. It is like a run away freight train that can not be stopped. Today we know more and I am certain if he would have survived we could have gotten him a lot more help.

See many many moons later, I have discovered that I married in some aspects my Gpa. Honeyboo works sun up to sun down then when he can comes home and works more. I follow him around like a lost dog most times. I look at honeyboo and think what a strong man who loves me no matter what, just like Gpa. Even though I may screw up and do things like running over the mailbox or moving something I should not I know they love me. Honeyboo, you are the second greatest man I know. I hope you live to be 100.  Honeyboo does not drink and so far his memory has not slipped well ok but you know what I mean. And just like Gpa you are always building something from nothing for me......

smooches and night yall.......

Yes Jen there is a Santa Clause

Ok so call me uncreative, but yes I stole that line.. See the last few weeks the 7-11 runt who has now been renamed The Big Eskimo has been chatting with me alone in the stillness of the night oh I mean car about you guessed it FOOTBALL!!!!! Thank you God, Easter bunny, jack frost, and Santa and the Great Pumpkin. Well ok so do not get the pom poms out just yet but keep them close by. And if he ever finds out about this post most likely my life will be in jeopardy so if something happens to me and or the honeyboo, please check the contents of The Big Eskimo's stomach first then proceed with caution.

Today, he came out laughing from athletics.  He had a grin that  killed the cat. Oh you parents know that grin..... I got some song and dance but I know what it really was about. I was secretly hoping he got the nerve up to give that sweet little girl his number I mean if she is gonna write things like "HI you are my best friend" on his Spanish papers then she wants his number. Oh I lost my head let me find it ah there we go oh and yes Eskimo if you are reading this MOMMA KNOWS EVERYTHING well almost. So we chatted and he asked some questions, and mentioned a few uh things about "his team" and this and that. Oh I shall not bore one with the details just know that if you are a mom or you are "in tune" as they say then you know. But tonight as I was sitting outside watching honeyboo dig a hole no not for me or the "little people" or gma or the pack of barking rabbits, but finding the sprinkler, the Eskimo all but told on himself.

Yes the big Eskimo let the cat and the hamster and the fish and his crabs out of the box. Imagine my shear surprise and the joy I wanted to let out but I knew I could not. So this is how I am like Snoopy jumping for joy with a daisy in my hand. I just want to run and scream HALLELUJAH!!!!!!! THE FOOTBALL GODS HAVE SPOKEN AND ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD....  but I have to remain calm cool and collected as best I can. Why even honeyboo got wind of the hamster and crab coming out. I know he wants to jump for joy too but he is well exhausted. Oh I have to save that story for another blog....

See it is not that we are living vicariously through the big Eskimo it is just we know what has brought him happiness and we as well have suffered right with him through all the rehab, and pain. He cried, I cried even though he never saw my tears I still did. And the big Eskimo is good at what he does. He needs to just wipe off the dirt and mud and get right back up and do it again. I mean the doctor has sworn to me on his head his own head thank you that the Eskimo's leg is virtually bionic and chances of it happening again are few and far between. He said equate it to being struck by lightening.

So with all this said even if he decides last minute at midnight that he no longer wants to do it FINE I will be just as happy. But I know he does.. Now I am going to have some chocolate cake and keep my joy contained as best I can and know how... So there is my Santa Clause......

Night ya'll

p.s.- I am dusting off the pom poms as we speak and getting the RIDER NATION shirt out of storage for one more go.........

Its raining, its pouring

And no the old man in the house is not snoring.... HAAAAAA...... See I have been in one of those "moods" for about a week now... I can be sassy and off the wall when I am like this and it is coming out nicely... Not that there is anything wrong with my sassyness but it is a switch from my deep side... I just get well deep sometimes..

As most of you know the last several months have been a challenge.. I am now at a place in my uh well my growing up that I have learned that it is the way it be sometimes.. Yes I know the grammar here would make Dr. Battles cringe..... But that is me and I am taking me back.. No more gloominess just not happening nope not now... And I have learned that you just no matter how much duct tape you use can not fix stupid and stupid people... That is right you just can not... Trust me darling I have tried.. EPIC FAIL.........

So here I sit listening to the thunder and rain and watching the lighting. Wondering what tomorrow brings... And answering who this is and that is on my facebook page... HA honeyboo is a funny one.... See what prompted me to get out of my uh if you will funk was someone has been talking about me and well it got back to me... I took them off my page and now they are upset with me.. I do not care... It is my page and I will do with it what I want.. But through the course of this, I also thought long and hard about who I truly want on there and you can again if you will call it growing pains.... I have discovered a few new things about little ole sweet tart me lately... and that is just how it be.....And i miss sweet tart little ole me.....

Now it is snuggle time with the honeyboo and a flick..... see ya.....

There is a big hole in here......

There is a big hole in my world. It is small on the scale of things but still it is a void that will not be erased or filled. Oh I have tried not to think about it but I find myself thinking about it a lot.. As time has gone on, this hole has been lessened but none the less it will always be there.

This hole caved as easily as it came into my life. I was not expecting it to happen but it did... See this hole brought me comfort, and love and silly looks. It brought me frustration and giggles and love like no other... This hole was there when no one else was and if it could talk oh man the things it could say and tell... Now to stop the cryptic messaging, and get on with it..

My Figaro. He came into my world at the worst possible time. And here is how it all happened... Yes one night it happened....

I had a calico who had to be put to sleep as she had Feline Aids. It was better. And after her I resisted any temptation to get another cat immediately. It had been only a few days at the most since I had her put to sleep. Oh I would come to moms and get my cat fix on, or my friends with cats but no was not having one ever again.. ( Ok so never say never I know) Well little monkey was about a year old when the Big Fig happened into our lives. And man did it change things post haste.

The kids father had been out at the junk yard getting a windshield for a car when he heard a strange noise. Upon looking further he found him. All 1/4 pound of him in the car curled next to his deceased siblings and mom. He took this frail critter and wrapped him in his shirt and brought him home. He came in the door and said honey I have a prize for you... ( the kids dad's english is well funny) I told him I was cooking and in he comes with his hoodie wrapped around his arm. My immediate reaction was "What did you do?" He said nothing but take this.. I knew he had mentioned a dog and I told him I would well deck him if it were a dog... Grabbing his hoodie from him, I unwrapped this tiny tiny bundle of black and white fur with no teeth and one eye open. The monkeys by this point were bouncing like jack russell terriers to see. I look at him and said well this is funny but you have to take it back now... He looked at me and said I no can take it back. I said but if you don't take it back things could happen.. He said there is no taking it back and made a slicing movement at his throat. I looked down at this tiny limp ball of fur and thought what am I gonna do??? I sent him and the monkeys to the store for powered milk.. I was a human mom for crying out loud not a cat mom. I had no clue what to do with this thing... I got an eye dropper and fed him. I held him and let the boys touch him but that was about it. I found a small box and re wrapped him in the hoodie.. ( I found out that the kids dad still owns the hoodie) I put the box and its contents in the bathroom under the heat lamp. I hoped for the best but expected the worst.  I knew when we went to bed that night that this poor thing would not be with us the next morning. I just knew it. I purposely set the alarm to get up at the crack of dawn just to make sure the kids did not find him and become traumatized for life.

So here I go half asleep stumbling into the bathroom only to my surprise I heard a tiny faint meow... It was crackled and you could hardly hear it. I opened the door slowly and to my shock and amazement, he was alive and well.  Hungry but holding his own. Holy Cow what am I gonna do now.  So I fixed so warm powered milk and got the eye dropper out and fed this little thing. My heart was melting. ( yes there is a heart there). The kids came running and jumped almost on top of me and him. Even Daisy Lu ( the oldest boston) was full of excitement. She herself had not a clue what to do either. So at the decent hour of 8, I called mom and granny. They both said as far as they knew it was much like raising a baby only you don't change a diaper you have to wipe them. ( Ok so that was the only part of cat rearing 101 I was not expecting. ) And of course it was Sunday so no vet to call to ask questions to.... SO here we go off to raising a small kitten... The boys named him Figaro off of Pinocchio the only difference was fig was a girl and ours was a boy. The played with him wrapped him in blankets, slept with him and I well fed and you know used a warm cotton ball on his behind.... I still was not sure he was gonna live but within 24 hours he was living well and letting me know when he was hungry... 

Fig as a young kitten went everywhere we went. To school, to granny's, to the store, even made a trip to the doctor. It was not out of fear for him but he ate every two hours. It was madness.. Granny even fed and rocked him more times then I can count... Fig began to grow at an alarming rate of speed.....He soon graduated from the tiny box to the bed. His favorite place was curled around my head. And yes it is true that unless they have their mom who is a cat they never really learn to purr.. I sort of taught Fig that but well his purrer was a little off. He loved to ride in the car. Arby's was his favorite place to go. He ate popcorn, gold fish, pizza, spaghetti, chicken and any kind of seafood out there. He even ate jello... He learned I am not sure how, but he learned to drink from a straw. He ate cat food but he was not a normal cat. I caught him one afternoon, staring down a mouse. That mouse knew he was the enemy but Fig had not a clue what to do with it.. He just stared at it and looked at me like what is that thing doing. He played fetch and retrieve.  He even would get tired of the dog and sit on her. He was a cat who did not know he was a cat. The kids would even bathe him and he never fought back. He could and would fight any cat that came in his yard. That I will give you he was a fighter when he had to but most times he would simply look at the opposing side as if to say he let us just be friends. He would literally ride in the car with or with out seat belt and not make a move to get out.

So this past November, my baby, my Big Fig disappeared. He was here and went out to play and just never came home. It is almost as if one of my birth children has left me. Maybe Fig went off to college or moved in with his friend girl. I am not sure. Thinking that crazy thing helps me not be sad. All I know is I miss him and I want him home. He left no note, no phone call nothing. Just poof gone just like he came into my life. The kids and the gma even miss him. In some ways daisy lu does to.

So that is how the hole came to be. It is as black as the Big Fig. I still find myself looking, and hoping that he will come home, but after this long I know he is gone. It is gonna be ok. Just do not ask me to take another cat. This has left a hole that nothing will fill...... Not even time........

Night............

I don't wanna grow up I am a TOYS-R-US Kid

Ok so now that we are all going to try and slumber with that in the old head, let me tell you where I am at. Tonight, I am conflicted and convicted..My heart and my head are flip flopping places a lot.. I wish I could tell you that it was a good thing  and seemingly for the most part it is and that Honeyboo was or is causing it but well ok he is causing some of it but not all of it. It is well a decision I have to make about me and frankly what I wanna do when I grow up..  A lot has happened in my absence from writing and man I could fill a couple volumes tonight.. My head is spinning... I am tired, and worn out.. I am nauseated from the medicine they have me on and it matters not what I do before taking it nothing helps.... And yes I am blaming him for that too... Ohhhhh!!!!!!! Now don't get too excited there just because my HCG level is elevated that does not mean squat...  Ok so I am in denial but I am remaining that way until a professional type tells me otherwise....

I have come to a place where this whole school thing has me a little worried and I am not certain which direction I want to go.. Do I take the left fork or the right fork or hit the tree? I could be like Buster baby dog, and SMACK the tree head on but I am a fluffy gal so I would not roll but bounce.. I am certain if a doggie could get a concussion he most likely has one.. I digress.... Life is good.. I want it to stay that way. Part of my nausea is that old pit of my gut nothing is gonna satisfy until I give in and just (excuse the language here) NUT UP AND DO IT....... I hear ya up there and you have sicked her on me and now I hear both of ya.. Problem is I just wanna be sure I hear ya kinda like when you sent me to this place in life.... I am not worried just wanna make sure I understand you loud and clear..... 

I think I got what no I am certain I got what I needed as conformation today.. His Little Feet children's choir from Haiti came to sing at our church today. I had to literally hold back tears until I no longer could. See a little secret about me most well NONE of you know ok some of you but not all.... I have a strong heart for the weak, and helpless children and elderly. I have a strong compassion for those who are more then less fortunate then me and others around me. Sometimes with all the "thing" in life that I have and my own little monkeys have, I forget that other little ones, do not even have clothes. The elderly I ache for them as it seems they are forgotten by society and pushed away especially when things go wrong. Although I will give you this, at a certain age they do need to lose their driving privileges.... just saying..... Scares me a little.. And yes I will be more then happy to drive them.... Ok so now that I have gone off on my tangent, let me get back to the beginning... Since High School, I have desired to be an attorney and eventually a judge. I was hoping by now that the later would have happened... It did not so I am dealing with the fact that I will have to have hearing aids, and a driver (yes a driver) to take me to sit on the bench of the court and preside over lord knows what.. I am ok with that. Thing is, I wanted still want to do juvenile and family law. I know just don't tell me I am crazy I know this already. So when I started back to school I signed up for teaching history. I love history do not misunderstand me but teaching and me should not be allowed in the same sentence. So then I was just gonna be a livley probation and or parole officer. Ok so here we are now... I have given in. I have heard you. 

My friends, this next statement requires your full support for the next 6 years... I AM GOING TO DO FAMILY LAW... Not just family law, but adoptions. Watching those kids today, broke my heart. There are 15 of them and none of them have parents let alone blood family any more for what ever reason.They are happy I mean that they are happy kids. They do not have to have all the finer things in life they are just happy to be shown love and grace and have clothes on their backs. I suspect if you ask them, none of them know what an XBOX is or an Ipod. Maybe they do but they live for the Lord and themselves. 

I know what adoptions mean and how much work is involved and that it is a heart breaking, gut wrenching thing. I know I will want to "bring in the strays" Oh I know and so do all of you...( and yes my friend who is doing adoptions you can use my services free=) But it is what I am supposed to do.. I talked to god today during prayer time and told him "ok so this is what you want this is where you want me to be? Are you sure?" I did not hear from the big dude but I got the nudge of YOU DINGBAT listen to my words, read my lips, no new taxes.. Oh wait the listen to me you will do fine. 

So it is going to be a long road. I have also decided on the fact I will not and I repeat will not try and take more then 12 hours in any given semester no matter how good it looks. In fact 9 hours a semester sounds just ducky... I am aging you know.. Although today an older lady did tell me I look 10 years younger then I did 6 years ago.. Oh my she stroked my ego, and the other day Honeyboo was told by a service agent via phone that "his daughter" had taken care of it... heeeeeeeheeee OOPS guess I should not gloat in that... And I have been accused of being the kids sister especially the oldest monkey... heeeeheee.... Oh got lost again.... Told ya my head and heart are doing flip flops.... 

So as I depart from you tonight, let me say this... I tell the boys this all the time, Do what you love, love what you do and when it becomes to much like working then find what it is you need to do. You have to listen. Otherwise you are lost. Trust me if you think about how much "stuff" you have and then you think about the small ends of the earth and how less they have you will to make sacrifices for you. It has not been easy but we have all managed and survived. Trust me you will go places you have never been...

So I am gonna grow up and not be a toys-r-us kid, well ok we all know I will. I mean there is proof of me jumping on a trampoline and with whipped cream in my hair floating around on the net on facebook. Did I just admit that??? Oh lord. But I am gonna do what I love and what my heart aches for. 

Good night, sleep tight and let the bed bugs bite.... Smooches....