So it has been A WHILE since I shared my mind with you all. Tonight I just have to. It helps you know me "venting." Oh now before any of you start on me I HAVE ONLY CRIED ONCE TODAY! Tomorrow may perhaps be a different story! Even the Frog Dog is like "mom really your tears are salty ok let me lick once more.!" So here is the condensed version of life right at the moment....... (deep breath, ready, set, go- and I will start backwards for well fun!)
So Curly gets to start drivers education. I just want to know when this happened that he can drive more then his cozy coup car and what makes you people think he should be allowed to drive? I mean he is my last well he is the baby and I truly will miss him when he steps out into the world. He is a sophomore this year and it is flying into his junior year at lighting speed. I still giggle when his little voice cracks and croaks. Yes he will always be blessed or cursed as he says with his curls. It is what makes him well him. And just last weekend well he took his first steps across the living room floor right? I mean when did I sleep through this whole growing up thing with the Curly?
Da' Bear is in the back stretch of his senior year. Crap this is speeding by fast. So has football season well they made district playoffs so there is a strong possibility we shall be footballing into December. His 18th birthday is rapidly approaching and I am no where near prepared for it! Nor am I prepared for this thing called Senior Prom and that other thing known as Graduation! Nope gonna hide in the closet (not under the bed, we all know my sister has traumatized me from even looking under the bed even at well ok my age (there that is better)) this way NO ONE can find me. Oh who am I trying to kid, da bear will always find me to feed him. And like Curly he was playing with legos last week to, trust me I stepped on one in the middle of the night!
And Blonde. Oh sweet Blonde. (get ready the tears are about to fall again). On Tuesday he will be 21! On Wednesday he will be gone on to the next adventure of his life out into the wild blue yonder. I will not be there to keep him safe, or feed him or any of that. Nope and they tell me he will do just fine. I am not sure of that but y'all just keep on telling me this. He leaves Wednesday for the Navy. I know he will only be gone 14 weeks (no i will not be counting) but let me tell you people 14 weeks is like a lifetime to his momma! My heart is breaking and inside I am dying. I am happy for him I am proud of him. I want him to go and do this and I will be there for him. I know in my heart and head he has to but darn it I am not ready to see him walk out that door just yet. Heck he was playing with Woody and Buzz and Pocahontas last week too! And i think he gave the cat a bath in the toilet last night (no we no longer have a cat but you understand....)
So here is the deal-e-o, (now that tears are right there yep dropping like melting ice). I know they have to grow and go but Granny was right, "you better love it now as they are walking on your toes cause in a few years they will be walking on your heart!" No Granny they are trampling on my heart! I want it back and I want them back! I have declared a cease fire on them growing up any more then they are. Give me 10 more years (oh so honeyboo would gasp at this but......). I never in my wildest dreams imagined me with kids, let alone 3 boys. And I never knew something so small could make me cry so much! Come on y'all know me well enough to know I do not cry like this but shoot I am considering seeing the doctor or something. Heck maybe y'all need to have me committed (hmmmmm just make sure it is a tropical island ok). Seriously I have even been craving chocolate and we all know I have a disagreement with that stuff but wow I am wanting it now! I think something is wrong with something inside of me, oh wait yes MY HEART IS BREAKING IN A MILLION PIECES! And don't go trying to make it better by saying things like "just think how much fun you and Honeyboo will have when they are all gone oh the places you two can go and the things you can do and think of the money you will have."
HA HA HA Don't care I want my little men and I want them to stay until I get well old and then they have to stay and take care of me darn it (ok so none of the three of you have to change mommy but at least hire me a hot looking male nurse one who looks like well just make sure he is hot! and don't tell your step father!)
But alas, as my heart breaks no gets stomped on into a million and 25 pieces, the realization of it is that Granny (oh i am gonna admit this and can not believe it but well) was right they walked on my toes, they have caused me many gray hairs and sleepless nights (shocking I do not have an ulcer) none of which I would trade for the world but now they are walking firmly not softly on my heart! No they are smacking it with all they have.
So November has not always been good to me and this year is no exception. I am sad and I wanna be sad for the rest of the month (alright at least a week or 2) and then I will pick myself up, fix my wig and go forth with a smile like nothing is out of place! I can do that, thing is will y'all let me do that? And I know I am not the first momma to ever have a son leave home, but dang it it feels like it! So with this off my chest, I am going to soak in calgon until all my troubles are washed away! And yes there will be many tears streaming down!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Chacha CHANGES
So it has been a while since I have blogged my mind. I am at a point where I need to vent. I am thankful for the computer as I can actually type faster then I can write and my head does not get to much faster then my brain. But man talk about changes since my last post. It has been a whirlwind and I hoped and prayed it would slow but it ain't gonna til the fat lady sings! And since we all know I am "fluffy" and can not sing help us all.
So in case you are curious, here is about when it started. Back in September/October Bill finally heard from GE. Now keep in mind he applied (ok so he was working at Salem and I called him on the phone and we did his application on the phone) in May. I remember the day well as it was pouring down rain and I had decided to not try and drive to Wesleyan with all the water standing. I helped him took us almost 2 hours but he was headed to San Antonio so we had time. Anywhoot, he got an email from them and responded. Then it was like a whirlwind of hurry up and do this that and the other. The original plan was to stay in Mineral Wells until the end of the school year but a 70 something mile drive one way prompted a near midnight move two weeks before Christmas. Now I am seeing a pattern here with us and Christmas. I mean in 2011 we moved two weeks before Christmas to Mineral Wells and here we go again. Finding a house in the area of Saginaw/Haslet/Justin was no easy feat. We took what was available and semi affordable. Its not the best place but hey it helped relieve some stress. Change numbero uno!
The second change is that Gus turned 20 and graduated from Fire Academy. No small feat for him but he did it with pride and dignity. He got up everyday no matter what (even when Gus became one with the bus) and went. Yes there were days he worried about running out of gas but he never once faltered and he finished with pride. I am proud of him. Finding a job has not been an easy task for him and he has tried. The thing is most of the fire academy's around here (with the exception of Ft. Worth and Arlington) have dis-combined their emt/paramedic program from their fire program. And therefore that part of what he needs has become a part time program and he does not get any financial assistance. Now the crappy part is that we can not afford for him to go. He has explored options and has decided to join the Navy. He will not really be losing his "fire stuff" but this will help him in more ways then one. I am proud of him and held him up when he felt like falling and failing just as he has done me many times. Thing that I will miss the most when he is "gone" is his quirky little sayings and jokes like this one "if this Navy thing does not work I am going to go be a rodeo clown." Yes Gus you can do that to just be the best one you can be. So I am thinking at least I will have a place or places to go visit for vacation.... CHANGE NUMBER 2!
With the moving of schools, Javier has found his place. He has found a school Ponder High School where they take him for what he is BIG and funny. Holy cow wait for it............. a little drum roll........ HE EVEN MADE FRIENDS THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL AND HAS BEEN GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DOING STUFF.... like joining the ( no laughter please even though I know you are ) Bowling team. Wait did the words HE JOINED THE BOWLING TEAM AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE just roll off my lips? Yes they did. He seems content here and well happy. He even told them day one "yes I will play football for you." ( yes he made several coaches very happy with that) And in less then a month, he will turn 17 and well as soon as I can he will be legally allowed to drive by himself. His plan is to do his early enlist this summer and then poof his senior year be gone like a freight train. OK but I will miss you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????? see change number 3..
And my sweet Pablo. Oh he has blended right in at Ponder. He like Javi is loving it. I mean who would not as they made the total high school attendance 349? Academically his is looking at trying to graduate early but that task may be easier said then done. Oh he can do it but will he?????? Yes this is Pablo we are talking about you know "mini me?" NO COMMENT NEEDED FROM ANYONE OK!?! And he has decided to stick with soccer and although they do not have it a the school, we got a recommendation of where to go in Denton for him. And according to the school counselor, they have a couple of kids on that team who have scholarships so welcome change number 4. And yes he begins the process of driving this summer.
But for me turning 40 (yes husband I said it) has been well I have no words really. I am less tolerant of stupid stuff then in the past and the phrase "it is what it is" seems to be becoming my daily mantra. I know that I have been having to wear my contacts/glasses like I was supposed to and have noticed gray hairs springing up- I am certain that my husband playing real life "angry birds" with my gray hairs is not helping but hey they make hair color right? Maybe I will go blonde or Lucy red or Elvira black? There are so many choices. And yes I "went home" to Wesleyan. As a favorite professor of mine mentioned "you had your fun at THAT University so now it is time to come home and roost." Well honestly I missed it. I know I know none of you need to say a word, I get it ok now just back away slowly. If I make it through this semester ( isn't there a song called If we make it through December?) I will have accomplished a grave amount. Oh there has already (unknown to husband, kids and you) a massive amount of tears and fears and I can't do this what the hell was I on crack ( thanks guys for letting me bawl and scream you know who you are and listening to my self doubt and negativity) words but in the end it will teach me something. That something I have yet to decipher. And I have been a "less then pleasant grouch" lately. I am blaming hormones, but who knows maybe I am turning into a grumpy old lady....
So with all these changes, I have decided to live on xanax and vodka and coffee..(that should be great for my kidneys and baldder huh?) HAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA NOT! but I am thinking it might help.......... So if you see me in the next couple of weeks, or call me, understand that if I look at you like you are an alien, up from one of the 18 million chapters from 56 trillion books I have to read or I do not recognize your voice, it is not you and you have done nothing wrong i will just be in the midst of trying to decipher you from the reading and writing and project making....... Oh and trust me I have searched high and low for books on tape to assist me but there are none I even googled cliff notes for them and nope not getting any help there! ( Did I just admit that out loud?)
So for the curious here is the schedule:
American Government and Texas Government (not too bad just from inception of Constitution to current)
History of Texas (note from prehistoric dinosaur to current just to give you an idea)
Religion of Old Testament ( yep ALL the book in the old testament hey at least I can complete assignments here early)
Criminology (hmmm well it will be fun and interesting)
With all these changes, I am off to read now...... Hope you understand.... Oh and well see I forgot......
smooches!
So in case you are curious, here is about when it started. Back in September/October Bill finally heard from GE. Now keep in mind he applied (ok so he was working at Salem and I called him on the phone and we did his application on the phone) in May. I remember the day well as it was pouring down rain and I had decided to not try and drive to Wesleyan with all the water standing. I helped him took us almost 2 hours but he was headed to San Antonio so we had time. Anywhoot, he got an email from them and responded. Then it was like a whirlwind of hurry up and do this that and the other. The original plan was to stay in Mineral Wells until the end of the school year but a 70 something mile drive one way prompted a near midnight move two weeks before Christmas. Now I am seeing a pattern here with us and Christmas. I mean in 2011 we moved two weeks before Christmas to Mineral Wells and here we go again. Finding a house in the area of Saginaw/Haslet/Justin was no easy feat. We took what was available and semi affordable. Its not the best place but hey it helped relieve some stress. Change numbero uno!
The second change is that Gus turned 20 and graduated from Fire Academy. No small feat for him but he did it with pride and dignity. He got up everyday no matter what (even when Gus became one with the bus) and went. Yes there were days he worried about running out of gas but he never once faltered and he finished with pride. I am proud of him. Finding a job has not been an easy task for him and he has tried. The thing is most of the fire academy's around here (with the exception of Ft. Worth and Arlington) have dis-combined their emt/paramedic program from their fire program. And therefore that part of what he needs has become a part time program and he does not get any financial assistance. Now the crappy part is that we can not afford for him to go. He has explored options and has decided to join the Navy. He will not really be losing his "fire stuff" but this will help him in more ways then one. I am proud of him and held him up when he felt like falling and failing just as he has done me many times. Thing that I will miss the most when he is "gone" is his quirky little sayings and jokes like this one "if this Navy thing does not work I am going to go be a rodeo clown." Yes Gus you can do that to just be the best one you can be. So I am thinking at least I will have a place or places to go visit for vacation.... CHANGE NUMBER 2!
With the moving of schools, Javier has found his place. He has found a school Ponder High School where they take him for what he is BIG and funny. Holy cow wait for it............. a little drum roll........ HE EVEN MADE FRIENDS THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL AND HAS BEEN GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DOING STUFF.... like joining the ( no laughter please even though I know you are ) Bowling team. Wait did the words HE JOINED THE BOWLING TEAM AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE just roll off my lips? Yes they did. He seems content here and well happy. He even told them day one "yes I will play football for you." ( yes he made several coaches very happy with that) And in less then a month, he will turn 17 and well as soon as I can he will be legally allowed to drive by himself. His plan is to do his early enlist this summer and then poof his senior year be gone like a freight train. OK but I will miss you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????? see change number 3..
And my sweet Pablo. Oh he has blended right in at Ponder. He like Javi is loving it. I mean who would not as they made the total high school attendance 349? Academically his is looking at trying to graduate early but that task may be easier said then done. Oh he can do it but will he?????? Yes this is Pablo we are talking about you know "mini me?" NO COMMENT NEEDED FROM ANYONE OK!?! And he has decided to stick with soccer and although they do not have it a the school, we got a recommendation of where to go in Denton for him. And according to the school counselor, they have a couple of kids on that team who have scholarships so welcome change number 4. And yes he begins the process of driving this summer.
But for me turning 40 (yes husband I said it) has been well I have no words really. I am less tolerant of stupid stuff then in the past and the phrase "it is what it is" seems to be becoming my daily mantra. I know that I have been having to wear my contacts/glasses like I was supposed to and have noticed gray hairs springing up- I am certain that my husband playing real life "angry birds" with my gray hairs is not helping but hey they make hair color right? Maybe I will go blonde or Lucy red or Elvira black? There are so many choices. And yes I "went home" to Wesleyan. As a favorite professor of mine mentioned "you had your fun at THAT University so now it is time to come home and roost." Well honestly I missed it. I know I know none of you need to say a word, I get it ok now just back away slowly. If I make it through this semester ( isn't there a song called If we make it through December?) I will have accomplished a grave amount. Oh there has already (unknown to husband, kids and you) a massive amount of tears and fears and I can't do this what the hell was I on crack ( thanks guys for letting me bawl and scream you know who you are and listening to my self doubt and negativity) words but in the end it will teach me something. That something I have yet to decipher. And I have been a "less then pleasant grouch" lately. I am blaming hormones, but who knows maybe I am turning into a grumpy old lady....
So with all these changes, I have decided to live on xanax and vodka and coffee..(that should be great for my kidneys and baldder huh?) HAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA NOT! but I am thinking it might help.......... So if you see me in the next couple of weeks, or call me, understand that if I look at you like you are an alien, up from one of the 18 million chapters from 56 trillion books I have to read or I do not recognize your voice, it is not you and you have done nothing wrong i will just be in the midst of trying to decipher you from the reading and writing and project making....... Oh and trust me I have searched high and low for books on tape to assist me but there are none I even googled cliff notes for them and nope not getting any help there! ( Did I just admit that out loud?)
So for the curious here is the schedule:
American Government and Texas Government (not too bad just from inception of Constitution to current)
History of Texas (note from prehistoric dinosaur to current just to give you an idea)
Religion of Old Testament ( yep ALL the book in the old testament hey at least I can complete assignments here early)
Criminology (hmmm well it will be fun and interesting)
With all these changes, I am off to read now...... Hope you understand.... Oh and well see I forgot......
smooches!
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