So it has been A WHILE since I shared my mind with you all. Tonight I just have to. It helps you know me "venting." Oh now before any of you start on me I HAVE ONLY CRIED ONCE TODAY! Tomorrow may perhaps be a different story! Even the Frog Dog is like "mom really your tears are salty ok let me lick once more.!" So here is the condensed version of life right at the moment....... (deep breath, ready, set, go- and I will start backwards for well fun!)
So Curly gets to start drivers education. I just want to know when this happened that he can drive more then his cozy coup car and what makes you people think he should be allowed to drive? I mean he is my last well he is the baby and I truly will miss him when he steps out into the world. He is a sophomore this year and it is flying into his junior year at lighting speed. I still giggle when his little voice cracks and croaks. Yes he will always be blessed or cursed as he says with his curls. It is what makes him well him. And just last weekend well he took his first steps across the living room floor right? I mean when did I sleep through this whole growing up thing with the Curly?
Da' Bear is in the back stretch of his senior year. Crap this is speeding by fast. So has football season well they made district playoffs so there is a strong possibility we shall be footballing into December. His 18th birthday is rapidly approaching and I am no where near prepared for it! Nor am I prepared for this thing called Senior Prom and that other thing known as Graduation! Nope gonna hide in the closet (not under the bed, we all know my sister has traumatized me from even looking under the bed even at well ok my age (there that is better)) this way NO ONE can find me. Oh who am I trying to kid, da bear will always find me to feed him. And like Curly he was playing with legos last week to, trust me I stepped on one in the middle of the night!
And Blonde. Oh sweet Blonde. (get ready the tears are about to fall again). On Tuesday he will be 21! On Wednesday he will be gone on to the next adventure of his life out into the wild blue yonder. I will not be there to keep him safe, or feed him or any of that. Nope and they tell me he will do just fine. I am not sure of that but y'all just keep on telling me this. He leaves Wednesday for the Navy. I know he will only be gone 14 weeks (no i will not be counting) but let me tell you people 14 weeks is like a lifetime to his momma! My heart is breaking and inside I am dying. I am happy for him I am proud of him. I want him to go and do this and I will be there for him. I know in my heart and head he has to but darn it I am not ready to see him walk out that door just yet. Heck he was playing with Woody and Buzz and Pocahontas last week too! And i think he gave the cat a bath in the toilet last night (no we no longer have a cat but you understand....)
So here is the deal-e-o, (now that tears are right there yep dropping like melting ice). I know they have to grow and go but Granny was right, "you better love it now as they are walking on your toes cause in a few years they will be walking on your heart!" No Granny they are trampling on my heart! I want it back and I want them back! I have declared a cease fire on them growing up any more then they are. Give me 10 more years (oh so honeyboo would gasp at this but......). I never in my wildest dreams imagined me with kids, let alone 3 boys. And I never knew something so small could make me cry so much! Come on y'all know me well enough to know I do not cry like this but shoot I am considering seeing the doctor or something. Heck maybe y'all need to have me committed (hmmmmm just make sure it is a tropical island ok). Seriously I have even been craving chocolate and we all know I have a disagreement with that stuff but wow I am wanting it now! I think something is wrong with something inside of me, oh wait yes MY HEART IS BREAKING IN A MILLION PIECES! And don't go trying to make it better by saying things like "just think how much fun you and Honeyboo will have when they are all gone oh the places you two can go and the things you can do and think of the money you will have."
HA HA HA Don't care I want my little men and I want them to stay until I get well old and then they have to stay and take care of me darn it (ok so none of the three of you have to change mommy but at least hire me a hot looking male nurse one who looks like well just make sure he is hot! and don't tell your step father!)
But alas, as my heart breaks no gets stomped on into a million and 25 pieces, the realization of it is that Granny (oh i am gonna admit this and can not believe it but well) was right they walked on my toes, they have caused me many gray hairs and sleepless nights (shocking I do not have an ulcer) none of which I would trade for the world but now they are walking firmly not softly on my heart! No they are smacking it with all they have.
So November has not always been good to me and this year is no exception. I am sad and I wanna be sad for the rest of the month (alright at least a week or 2) and then I will pick myself up, fix my wig and go forth with a smile like nothing is out of place! I can do that, thing is will y'all let me do that? And I know I am not the first momma to ever have a son leave home, but dang it it feels like it! So with this off my chest, I am going to soak in calgon until all my troubles are washed away! And yes there will be many tears streaming down!
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