Saturday, November 5, 2011

Where every gray hair on my head comes from...............

Today, is a hard day for me. Today, marks an event that changed my life forever 19 years ago. 
So bear with me and get the kleenex cause you are gonna need it. And yes every gray hair on my head is from him. They have been nicknamed with according dates....

19 years ago today, Augustus Dalton, (a.k.a Monkey man, Blondie, Sunshine, Jose, Gusbuster and little Turd) came into this world. Oh it was trying. I was alone, scared and drugged out of my head. I had not a clue in the world what I was gonna do with a baby. Nope not a clue. All I knew was the boy could eat with the best of them. Did I mention I was drugged out of my head?????

Oh there were times, during his infancy when I wanted to give up. One time stands out in my little head, vividly. He had an massive ear infection. The doctor had given him antibiotics and baby tylenol to take. He would scream uncontrollably for hours. I put him on the dryer so he could sleep and I could as well. Granny found us that day asleep on the dryer and asked me what was next the microwave? I told her she better not wake him up and that no the dishwasher was my next plan. So here we go into the next morning with him screaming in pain. I used 4 tanks of gas driving around Tarrant and Parker counties with him screaming and sleeping and screaming (this folks is how I learned my way around these two counties! need directions, just ask....).. We shall not mention the red lights I ran pretty sure the statue of limitations has run and thank peanuts there were no red light cameras... I had it. I loaded him in the car hoping that the magic of the car would help calm him and drove straight to the doctor's office. I marched in with him screaming. Come on kid you have to lose your voice at some point... Nope not Gusbuster. I handed him to the nurse as she could hear him screaming and promptly told her she could return him when he turned 18 that there was no way I was capable of doing this. She laughed and said now come on let us see why he is screaming. I said NO you can give him back when he is 18. Now the nurse and her counter part had "raised" me and one of them was holding the screamer and the other blocking the door to stop my exit. NOT FUNNY!!! (lesson learned, never use your pediatrician as your child's pediatrician, it will get ugly.) Turns out the medicine well Mr. Gus was allergic to so I took him back. I am glad I did. I would have missed obtaining all these gray hairs on my head. Oh and this is just one of the many many stories of Gus and Me. 

Mostly, I am proud that I never gave up on him. And he never gave up on me. I am proud of who he has become, a young man. He has had many trials and tribulations to over come in his 19 years. Some of them most of us could not even begin to imagine ourselves there. And then there have been the ones that by his decisions he has gone through. None the  less, he has never given up. He is a persistent little fart knocker with the blond hair. He can make you laugh like no other person. He can make you want to smack him like no other person. ( I do not know where he gets it from).

Gus, has been to the bottom and back. He has been in between. He has learned from him momma's mistakes and thank peanut, rainbows and cucumbers he is not a father ( although he tells me he is for shock value ). He has broken my heart so many times, it was easier to keep count of the gray hairs. He has made me tear up with the slightest thing he says. For example the whole pumpkin thing. And the latest "what do you want to do for your birthday?" "uh well I had uh planned on seeing my girlfriend..." OMG OMG OMG ( I am gonna have to give that little well I won't say it but you get it right????) UGHHHHHHHHHH REJECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here I sit on your 19th day of life reflecting on some of the stuff that I, your mother, did and wondering how on this planet you are still living... I mean there was the time when Oh I may get it for that one so I won't mention it.... 

So Sunshine, I am proud of you and who you are slowly becoming. I am glad that you have turned out as good as you have. I am glad that you make me laugh, cry and have given me gray hairs ( yes son you and you alone have given me every gray hair on my head ). I am glad that you took that giant step and are in college, and are considering being a fireman. I am glad you finally learned to drive (although that has added to my gray hair collection). I am glad your brothers have you as it is funny when you chew them out for something they did that you did many years ago. I am glad you encourage them to do their best. And I am glad that you tell me from time to time when it gets to rough "you never let me fail mom and I am not gonna let you fail." 

So as you go off into the 19th year of your life, know that no matter how far away you are or what time of day or night it maybe, momma is still there to tell you to nut up, dust yourself off and try again. 

I LOVE YOU AUGUSTUS DALTON!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 31, 2011

And then again..........

Happy Halloween first and foremost... I miss it.. The "little people" are now are to "grown up" for it..  They wanted me to go buy a bag of candy and let them ring the bell and give it to them..... WHATEVER!!!!!! I mean seeing my friends and their youngest ones is making me well sappy!!!!!!!!! I miss how Blondie, the Eskimo and Curly used to go "I wanna be this or that." OH and the endless searching for the right outfit, that I do not miss...But truly I miss them getting all "cuteed" up and going about.. I do. And that brings me to this...... Then again maybe I do not miss it.....

See the week of Halloween precedes a life changing event for me... Five short days AFTER trick or treat came, the Blondie came into this world. Oh let me tell you it started on Halloween that year, only when I went to the hospital, they kindly patted me on the head and told me "first babies are always late." Huh really I get that after 18 years the boy has never mark these words never been on time for a thing. Typically he skirts in on the skin of his teeth, But seriously... So off and on I went about my business acting like I had good sense and pretended to know half way what I was doing but then again.......

So we get through Halloween, and BAM November 5, he sprung out like a rocket into life and the world. Now, I look at him just like this morning, when I asked him if he wanted a pumpkin to carve tonight as I have done for 18 years and he goes "I guess." HUH wait who are you and where is my little punkin head that got mad last year when I did not go get one... The eskimo and curly, had declined as well they had a game and practice tonight.. But Blondie turned me down. OH THE REJECTED FEELING.... He then looked at me with this confused look much like I had and it hit me. I started to cry, no sob as I was driving. "Mom pull over and let me drive" No I will be fine. That realization made me bawl even more..
Why was I crying? Has he grown up too much? Has he not left the "nest" quick enough? And then again.....

No Blondie, here is why.... Last year you turned 18. Everybody asked me if I was emotional. Well I was a little, but this year, as you approach 19 to darn quick, it is about to kill your momma. I guess in my little world, you would always be 18 and never get older. And then again..... So yes Blondie, I was bawling because you have become a young man who now can vote, drive, go into the military, who has enrolled in college, and is considering being a fireman ( please note you always wanted to be 3 things, an astronaut, a trash man, and captain john smith) and now you have a "girl" in your life (all I am gonna say is she better be good to you or momma will have a talking with her). So this is way too much on ya momma. Cut me some slack boy, before I pull out those blonde hairs and send you to indefinite time out. It pains my being to see you pull out the driveway and off to that college you go...Much like the Daisy Lu I have considered biting the tires to keep you from going (oh yes Daisy Lu says you have grown up to fast as well). I just want you to go and get a costume and be happy with your pillow case going door to door, street to street, getting candy and then settling up in the middle of the floor with your brothers. And then again..........

So Blondie in 5 days there shall be another blog ALL ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Halloween
Nighty Nite,

PS- He asked me as I was on the way out of the driveway to get Curly, if I got a pumpkin.....

Thursday, October 6, 2011

How do you know???

So perhaps, I stole that line from a movie. But lately that question has me stumped. No more like perplexed. It all started with a friend who is going through something in life and she stated " I stopped being me because I had to but how do I find me?" Well ok so believe it or not, that left me speechless, dead in my tracks and breathless. It has had me thinking which all something we know I should not do. In fact I was told once upon moon that "you should not go into your mind alone as it is a scary neighborhood." Well ok but seriously I have ponder many a sleepless night over this statement.
So when did I stop being "me?" I have not an honest clue about that but I know that I have and it has not occurred recently.  So I began the trudge backward from where I am right now to long ago and far away in that scary neighborhood. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has not been a fun trip or ride at Disney World. Not more like the ancient (as the "little people here" call it) ride on the spelunker cave at 100 miles an hour. It has brought well not so good feelings toward some folks, and others now I understand why they acted they way they have toward me. I am not selfish we all know that nor am I greedy (ok when it comes to peanut m&ms or coffee) nor would I not lend a hand. I was not raised as a spoiled child. I did have a lot of "things" but I did have other "wants" that I understand now I could not have. I was not beaten severly as a child but I did get the flyswatter more then a few thousand times, (in fact if I had my way no one on this planet would own one), and I never ( praise God ) wound up in jail or major trouble (and yes the statue of limitations has run on those things) but all in all I was a good kid. 

Ok so why am I in such a quandary you ask? Because, when I was younger, I never really identified with who I was to make me who I am now. Long short of it, I was the youngest of a sibling and myself and my two cousins. All older with the youngest being 8 when I was born. I was raised you could say as an adult as where we lived there were no other kids to play with on the block. I was the "adult child." I then plunged through that along with  early adolescent years waxing and waning, into my mid teen years. I learned to drive but a major life event caused me to go from 15 to 35 in a heartbeat. I had to become an adult over night literally. I had to take care of an aging family member yet was expected to go on about my business as any other teen. At the young age of 17 almost 18, I ran off. I could no longer live life. I was boxed in and suffocating. Things and circumstances happen and I eventually came back but this time, it was with child in toe. (hence why I am 40 and in college) I never got to experience most of what my friends did; things like homecomings, and proms, and all that jazz. Oh now before you start I know that there are kids who never get it, but just ask them what I am telling you about not having a "teenhood" to speak of. No I am not bitter or upset over this, but it has a major impact on who I am and how i got to where I am. I had a job, and family responsibilities. And yes that precious little baby, I was too young but he was mine and nothing was going to change that.
Figuring it  up all out has not been hard, but fixing what can be has been. And honestly I am not certain that I know how nor is there really anyone who can help me. When I sought help, for this issue, I was told by more then one professional that there is nothing you can do to change it. Ok so how do I fix it or at least resolve it so that I can discover me? And I got many a blank stare. And then they tell me that it has to do with the fact my father was not around, yadda yadda.... I am not sold on any of this other then, I grew up way to fast and had no alternative but to go with the flow.
So I am beginning a journey to find out what exactly I have done with me and who is me. I reiterate that it is not a joyful ride and I am not sure where it will end. Or if I will even like then end result. But at the end of the day, it is what it is and what I make of it. I am hoping, no more like praying that this will help me to figure me out. 
So on your road, if you happen to see me looking somewhat like a Flat Stanley (if you have kids you know who Stanley is- and if not Google it) pick me up and blow into one of my fingers and re inflate me....


Nighty Nite.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

And the Storm Rages on.......

Conflict is described by Websters Dictionary as competitive or opposing action of incompatibles and mental struggle resulting from need, drive, wishes or external and internal demands. And before any of you hit the panic button and declare crowd control this is not about me and Honeyboo.

I describe it as PURE HELL!!!!!!!!!!! The later for the last year I have wrestled with daily. Oh what to do what to do! Go left in the road or go right in the road or just make my own road. I have relied on faith to get me where I am and to help me with the internal conflict but lately, I am not certain I am hearing what I should be. I can picture in my head my little "angels" who I named Fred and Ethel, fighting continuously and the good Lord just shaking his head in disgust at me and chuckling under his breath all the while going yes Jen, watch this now!! Well I am not laughing in fact I am becoming tired and restless. I am tired of fighting my Fred and Ethel ( I picture them with those blow up bats whacking away at each other going no it is my turn not its mine). I am tired of feeling one leg up four feet down the hole. I am relying on God to push me in the right direction. But my need right now is WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??? WHICH WAY DO YOU WANT ME TO GO????? I hear ya but then I hear ya again. Which is it or is this a silly game you like to play with me to test my faith in you? Just when I think I have it figured out you push in the opposite direction! Well no more MR! I think I am gonna make my own road and see what happens.. HA fat chance...

But all kidding aside, I fight with myself day in day out. It is becoming that Honeyboo has noticed. Oh now again I do not need to be committed to the State institution for the insane well maybe I do but it is hell I tell ya hell. Or maybe I am terrified that I will not make it so I keep selling myself short and that is when the big guy steps in and says OK but I shall give you an unquenching thirst and hunger until you listen and follow as I say. I am not sure but I gotta have a serious chat with Fred and Ethel and THE BIG GUY. So then I say "self there is a reason he put you here and a reason he wants you to do this FIRST and then move onto the other." But my "self" does not always listen. Who knows. All I know is the Good Lord needs to swoop in down on my pea punkin head and bash me, Fred and Ethel FAST! Ok maybe he did that could explain the massive headache I have carried for the last two months or perhaps it is the kidney stone I still have. Either way, I just want to be happy and know what it is I am supposed to do. I need to hear it loud and clear.

But internal conflict is an issue. Those who know me know that up until this last year, I have not had an issue with it. I think part of my problem is GUILT! Oh not when I eat something I know I should not like pork, or chocolate or fried, greasy stuff but GUILT! Most of it is over the fact that Honeyboo has taken a vow of poverty with me and he honestly ( yes I am bawling ) stands beside and behind me on this school to get a career thing. What brings my guilt to the surface is the fact I feel like I can not help financially to his cause and the poor creature is working himself to death trying to make it for us. And then there are the times, when reality sets in and I go ok but he deserves his day in the sun as well. And the kids, even though they are older, they still need me even if they do not realize it. Take Curly for instance, had to take him in yesterday to the sports clinic to get an xray and looked at. Nothing major just some deep bone bruising in the growth plates and a pulled Achilles tendon but my point is, he needed momma to make it stop hurting and feel better, well that and some ice cream. But like going to the dentist we honestly can not afford it and had I done this years ago, maybe I would not feel guilty over that. Then there is the Gma. Yes, I feel like in some ways I am responsible for her financial downfall even though I know she created it. I just go well I had not have taken this poverty vow, she would maybe be ok.

So I am gonna go and sleep and see what the good Lord brings me in my dreams. Maybe I will have my answer and be able to move along down the yellow brick road. Who knows.  


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Where were you 4/19/95?

So if this date does not ring a bell for you, perhaps you should Google it and see as you are one of the many who have forgotten what happened...I have stewed on this for a few days, taming my emotions, and well have been a little busy to be able to post this. For some of you, you will say this blog post is full of jealousy. Some of you will say I am trying to minimize the events of 9-11. Neither is true, it just seems as though America has forgotten the first terror attack on this nation. All be it, "homegrown" or actual "trial run," it happened none the less. And the pain of this event has not been forgotten by all. In case you can not access Google, let me refresh your memory!

On the morning of April, 19, 1995 at 9:02 a.m., a coward, named Timothy McVeigh  cased the streets of Oklahoma City in a rented truck filled with explosives. Mr. McVeigh, parked the rented truck outside the Alfred P. Murrah Federal building which housed, numerous federal, state and local offices as well as an on site day care center. He parked  got out and walked away to watch as the truck blew killing 168 people including 19 children and injuring over 800 people before taking off. Co Conspirator, Terry Nichols, ( It is not clear if Nichols was actually at the scene or just waiting near by) had a car waiting by to get McVeigh out of the scene. Michael Fortier was found guilty of knowing of the plot and was charged as an accessory.

I will not forget just as with 9-11 what I was doing. It is just as it happened yesterday. Frankly, I had a 2 year old, had just lost baby number 2 and was at home doing dishes. I caught a glimpse of something on the TV and quickly read the underlying caption that it was from Oklahoma City. I stood frozen as people, some covered with blood and debris, were running screaming with no destination in mind. It was about this point that the first responders began to shove people further back as they suspected there was going to be another explosion. In the background you could see the building, shattered glass, and pieces hanging. This was the first time I, in my life had witnessed something this horrific and terrifying. I remember thinking what has happened? It did not sink in. Just as another explosion occurred, my phone rang. I suspected it was my Granny and answered with a hey. It was not. It was my best friend. Jen he said and my blood went cold is the TV on he asked. Yes it is, what has happened in OK city? So I breifely told him what was going on and before I could ask why he told me something I was not sure I understood. His Aunt, whom I loved as one of my own was in that building. She worked for Social Security. My blood went even colder in fact it froze. I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said pray, I am headed north. I told him just to hold off and let us see what happened. He argued back and forth with me and none of my persuasion would do. He went. As the news went on, and I learned that there was a chance someone I cared about was injured or worse, it was learned that the main impact of the explosion was under the on site day care center. I grabbed my little blondie and hugged him a little tighter as the tears began to flow. We learned a few days later that Aunt Dink had perished. With that news, I packed and we went to be with "family."

It has been speculated over the years that McVeigh and his "partner" Terry Nicholas had ties to the same folks that master minded 9-11. It also needs to be said that there is speculation that McVeigh cruised the streets in Fort Worth, in that same truck that morning early before he made the trek to Oklahoma. I understand the mass causality count was not as high or the event itself was as horrific as 9-11 but still it seems as though we have as a nation forgotten about Oklahoma and that in reality it was a terrorist attack on our nation. I know there had been bombings at the World Trade Centers before this date but it was just bombings as they say and they never honestly could say those were terror attacks. Oklahoma City seems forgotten but the majority of this nation. The 10th Anniversary warranted about a 30 second clip on the local and national news. There has been no fan fare and pomp and circumstance in the remembrance of it as a nation as a whole. The state of Oklahoma has done there own. In fact they sent teams of folks to help.

My point is this, and I really do not care whom it angers, Oklahoma will always be near and dear to my heart, just as much as 9-11 and New York City will be. We need not forget what happened that day. We need not forget how many innocent just as that fateful day in September how many innocent people lost their lives and how many children were affected by the event. Here is a little bio in case you are curious:

168 Deaths
19 Children
1 Resuce worker
30 Children Orphaned
219 Children lost one Parent
462 people homeless
7000 left with a place to work
387,000 people knew someone who was killed or injured

Over 300 buildings were destroyed by the blast.

So now that you look at it that way, it is just as horrific as 9-11. Oh not on the grand scale but none the less it is. Over 1,000 people survived-some with emotional scares, some with physical scars, some with both. Both events should serve as a reminder to us, American, One Nation under God, that life is precious no matter how less the loss or how great the loss. Oklahoma has continued to recover just as New York has and both have helped each other in the healing process.

So just as "We never forget 9-11, we should never forget 4-19-95."

Sunday, August 14, 2011

In Laws, Family and Others......

Ok so the strike is going well. Not a one has offered up a union rep with an offer for me to look at. Although I did scrub the kitchen today. And now I am gonna sit and be lazy! But this week has been full of well jab, barbs, and words. Not nice ones at that... Advice has been solicited, and taken and ignored but most importantly, words have cut like knives. And it has not happened to just one person I know and love but a lot of ya. So here we all know I do not give advice unless ya ask and I will give you my opinion if you ask and you may not want that answer, but here I am giving some needed advice to those effected by words this week. And most likely this blog is gonna insure my spot in hell as I am certain I am gonna step on a toe or three. I do not care, grow up deal with it.

Now, when it comes to Family, you are pretty much stuck with what you got. Oh believe me I have wanted to create a family store where when we want a new one we can go purchase one. Yes I would offer a discount. Families are like grapes. There usually is a bunch of them. Some are tart, some sour, some sweet and some rotten as can be. There are ones filled with seeds, and without. So you get it. But families have a way with words, that well can be more then hurtful and damaging. It goes with that old adage, "chose your words wisely they can and will hurt you." Or "it may not be what you say, but the manner and tone in which you say it." The later is true. More often then not, I will say something and it just comes out wrong. I typically apologize but the times when it was warranted I do not.  Now, Lord knows I am not one to give advice on this as well I have had my fair share with my sibling and it played out before all to see. We have come to an agreement and have settled things and are now meeting eye to eye ( well her eye to my nose since she is not only older but taller.... ohhhhh I may get it for that older comment ). None the less it was a case of what was said was not that bad but the way it was said. And it is no ones fault.  So siblings, parents, cousins, etc., watch how you say what you say...

No In laws, well there is s subject. I have had one mother in law who I would have loved to have run over with a south bound train. Oh that woman just her name even now, sends rage through my blood. I would see her number come up on caller ID and well as in the movie Smokey and the Bandit when Bufurd T Justice wears the heart monitor, yep if I would have had one, it would have beep until it exploded. God love her she is gone now, but NOTHING and I mean NOTHING I did was right. And hell she lived 400 miles away. When the wind blew in from the north, I was certain she would be coming any second. Advice giving, nose where it don't belong mother in law. So there you go. Now mother in law #2 well that was fun. Not only did this woman give birth to 9 children, she did it without the aid of a hospital, and no drugs. Anyway, she lived in not only another state but country. And this helped as there was a language barrier. I am pretty certain she cussed me out more the once. No she never did. But we had our own thing. We communicated and go along. If she shoved me, I moved. If she needed something she would demonstrate just like the day she needed shampoo. She started scrubbing at her head making a whoosh noise and I got it she needed shampoo. She did learn some English and not dirty words from me.. More importantly, she loved me and her grandsons. Still does, when she comes to town, she begs Rodrigo for me until he brings her to me or I come there. I think maybe she loves, my left over I do not want clothes pile she gets but just let me live in my little fantasy world. I can tell you this, you mess with her and I might just have to whoop up on ya. Mother in law #3 is fun. She is as devious as me and gives her son just as I do a hard time. Her only advice has been "use the squirt bottle I tell ya." And I get that. MIL 3 though god love her met me for the first time AFTER we had been married almost half a year. It was a surprise visit on Mother's Day. She had no clue we were coming, and I added to that by sending her a text about how "little honeyboo" was making me cook. Well she offered a few kind caring words and then busted out when she opened the front door and there we stood. It was priceless. She was more nervous about her house then anything. TRUST ME THE HOUSE WAS FINE!!!!!!!!!!!! With a little help from "big honeyboo", we managed to keep her from making dinner and a pie that day. But MIL 3 well I feel bad. I wish we lived closer to her or vice versa. I feel bad at times, as well we live with my mom and help her. I wish that my monkeys, could help her mow, and various things. At least just go visit. Oh now before any of you start, yes MIL 2 lived over 1200 miles from us, but she has 2 sons living there and comes to visit about 4 times a year. MIL 3 has no clue what life would be if we were just closer. My point is, these two extraordinary women, that God has besieged on my life, have no clue that just them being there and listening to me when I need to vent about life's "blessings" is more then enough. I am sure one of them only pretends to understand as she can't really but MIL 3 well I have laid it on her at times. Hell when I got rear ended and honeyboo was out of pocket, I called her. At least she acted afraid for me and had pity on me. She did not offer advice but love and compassion.

Now I am getting to the point here so just keep your undies on ok...... Recently, words were said even if they were not intended to be said that hurt someone I love and care about. It made said loved one extremely uncomfortable and a question was asked that WE felt this way as well. I can assure you it is not how we feel and wish we could change things. I hope said loved one understands that under different circumstances then the present we would be there more often. See how the words that were laid out hurt?
It sucks. Now loved one has to wonder if we are speaking the truth or not. Rest assured loved one we are. So again whether you are a MIL or family WATCH your mouth and what you say and how you say it. You might be speaking out of your ear and not mouth with what you say. And do not keep compounding matters with your feelings and thoughts and making them everybody else's.....

As for the others, well dearest dearest big friend. I understand why you did what you did, and understand you have a valid point, but sometimes, folks just can not see the forest for the trees. And no you did not mention any names or call anyone out BUT they knew as they were guilty. They knew. That is why they deleted you and chose to draw you into a massive immature argument. So my advice here is the same watch what you say, and how. And know that folks sometimes when they know the truth, try and defend at no costs. Take comfort in the fact that some day, some way, they will get theirs. It might not be by you, but know someone has their number and they will get it.

So dear friends, loved ones, family, and others, rest assured if I ever say anything to you that upsets, you or is out of line let me know, and I will change it. Most likely this blog is gonna open me up for WW3 but I really do not care. People tend to say things and encompass everybody just because they have an opinion or thought.

I love you MIL 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

smooches, loves, and hugs.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Maid and why I am on strike.

Ahhh yes... I posted this picture tonight on my Facebook. I have discovered that it is not just me who has an issue with it has to be perfect, no it is not that in the least. Fact is I have discovered that lately I have been plagued with more then I can handle. My anxiety attacks are back. My blood pressure is up. I dry heave. I feel like I have swallowed a brick and it is sitting at the bottom of my esophagus. My back is cramping and I have not done this in years, I am telling you YEARS!!!!!!!!! (well maybe 3 but you understand) And I am flat worn out. One would sumize that well I need help, but the virus that is running rampant in this house is extremely contagious and there seems to be no cure the dreaded momwilldoit virus. I have consulted the CDC, our family practitioner and other health/disease specialists and am told that there is no vaccine or antibiotic to assist with this virus. It has to run its course and can be deadly or take years to cure. Well perhaps I should change my major and work on a cure for this disease.

I have asked for help numerous times. I have bargained, pleaded and begged. I have cut things off or out but to my dismay NOTHING seems to be happening. Why I have even yelled and screamed until I am blue in the face. I need help. Is it that hard to comprehend? Oh and if I mention it to anyone, they look at me like I am insane. I am done. Nope tried that as well NOTHING has been the end result. 

So this being the case, I have determined that I will say nothing, do nothing and ignore it. HA tried that as well. I have never been good at expressing feelings of this sort, but I am learning.  Tonight, for example, I did not use a harsh or curt tone, to Curly I mentioned, I need you all to start doing more and helping more without being told, his reply was you don't have to yell. The Honeyboo, walked out and just kissed and hugged me. The Eskimo, I will cut a little slack, he has been up before the rooster this week and he has still managed to help some, but Blondie, well he has mailed it home. Gma is exempt as she is still looking like a chipmunk in her collar. I considered getting her a spiked one but well she did not find it funny. 

So I am certain that when this is read by all or some, I will be quizzed. I should not have to ask is my point. I know that you are all children but seriously cut me some slack. So since there is no cure for this disease, I have decided that I am going on an indefinite sabbatical until further notice. And I am not certain that even the Union could assist and get me back on the job at this point. It would have to be a sweetheart of a deal.... I will consider any and all proposals.

So to the sweet ones who reside here all 4 of you, this is your official notice that I am on strike.

Smooches, night, hugs and loves.