I gotta lodge a complaint.......or two......

Alrighty  I am gonna complain a little... I know right!!!!! It seems to me that clothing makers are leaving us out in the dirt. I mean I made an exhaustive search for a decent dress not even in a you look like an underfed cat size, for my wedding only to discover that for what ever reason known to god, rainbows and cucumbers there are limited choices as the style now is "casual." WHAT THE BLEEP BLEEP?????? Seriously can a girl not find a skirt or dress anymore simply because it is not "causal?" Ok so I sort of got over that.

But here is my complaint tonight....... ( drum roll ) WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO JEANS???????????????? They are going painted on leggings style (gag that like went out with bad 80s hair and Don Johnson I thought) or boot cut which swallows my feet let alone legs. On me they look like bell bottoms.. And to top that off there are limited color choices-not that I want fuchsia pink or emerald green but I just want a plain straight legged pair of dark blue, or stonewashed and black jeans. Is that so wrong??? Apparently it is as I was looked at like a freak when I asked about them.... 

I guess I need to learn to live with 70s pimpin' my ride throwback nauseating patterns with gold trim... Or have JUICY or PINK written on my butt in big letters or butterflies that are sown on the pockets ...Sure let us draw more attention to something that big by highlighting it.. Yep that will go over real well at Church having JUICY written on my butt......  I even went to a well know brands (Levis) website and NOTHING.... I mean I know part of it is I am a "fluffy" girl but come on seriously you have nothing that I find remotely interesting.....again not even in you look like a starving cat size. And I ain't a grandma yet and elastic in the waist makes me want to hurl across the room.

Ok so my search continues and I will mark my words find my jeans and skirts and dresses. I will find them even if it means I have to live with JUICY written on my butt......... HA that is pretty funny..... Maybe I can combine the two and get Juicy Pink butterflies....all in gold letters. =) 

Ok I feel better now...... Thanks for listening...... My search continues......

YOU WHAT??????????????????

Javibear to mom " Mom I have officially decided that I am not going to play football next year." Me " What do you mean that you are not going to play?????" Jbear " It is not fun and well i just don't want to." Me " Son do you realize that we are  going to have to go into the witness protection program get assumed names like Jane and Mary and Frank and George??? And that the coaches are going to burn our house to the ground?" Yes ladies and gentlemen there you have it... This conversation has taken place over the last month a couple of times. Now before you go wiggin out on me for being an overbearing and pushy mom let me explain...

Flash back with me to October 14, 2010. It was a warm fall night and the stars were shinning brightly. Jbear was playing against Denton Gueyer at home. About mid way through the 2nd quarter, he took a nasty hit. I did not witness the hit, but my mom did and grabbed me and said "It's Javi he won't get up." PANIC set in. Immediately I saw the trainer and head coach hefting him off the field. Ok so here is where the mom in me kicks in.. I made way onto that field sideline with Hubby and family yelling at me. I did not care that was my baby.. So half time was beginning and they carted him off to the field house. It was there that the trainer pulled Hubby and I to the side and said horrifying words " I am fairly certain he has completely blown out his whole knee." Those are not words you want to hear coupled with "his knee feels like a bowl of jello". Coaches circled in and out while Javi, prone on a table leg elevated with ice on it laughed in pain. Yes folks he laughs when he hurts he always has. Ok so what do we do? Go to the Er or what?? The trainer being buddies with one of the top knee guys in Fort Worth, called right then at 8 something at night and got us an appointment for the next day. We helped Javi get in the car and gathered his belongings. Coaches and trainer watched us drive away wondering the same thing we were WOULD HE EVER PLAY AGAIN? It was a seemingly long ride home. Javi were in the car alone as we had for whatever reason taken two cars. He cried and I cried. He pounded the backseat in anger and frustration over feeling like he let his "team family" down. This was a hard pill for me to swallow. He loves football. Went last summer in the soaring 105 degree heat, puking his guts up the first three weeks of  practices only to have his dream shattered.Or so he thought.

The next day we saw the orthopedic doctor/surgeon who reported that it was not his knee but that he had broken his femur in two places into the growth plate. OUCH but this was good news. Well ok but it is just go with it. Javi was pleased as he was not going to have to have surgery. His orders were on crutches with an immobilizer and no weight on it for at least 6 weeks. They had to wait until the swelling went down to be able to cast it. Jbear was excited about getting a cast. OH and because it was in the growth plate, we would be seeing the doctor weekly for a while. No problem we got it solved. Javi tried to go back to school that next week but it did not work out so well. We went to our Dr. appt. and they said everything looked good.He had begun complaining of his calf hurting and feeling numb. They were growing a little concerned as the swelling was not subsiding and now the whole calf hurting. So they sent us to get a CT scan and ultra sound to check for a blood clot. WHAT did you say all looks good but he may have a blood clot?? Yes it is possible go over to the hospital and they are expecting you. We will call you first thing tomorrow as we are getting these results stat. Until then,  keep it elevated and iced. He asked if he would be able to play again and they said yes. That is when the bottom fell out literally.

Friday, we waited all day for the doctor to call with the results. I left at least two messages. Everybody kept telling me that no news was good news, but something deep inside told me something was seriously wrong. Finally at 5:30, the nurse called to say the doctor would be calling me on a Saturday to let me know what was going on. Ok wait a doctor an orthopedic doctor calling on a Saturday to tell me what was wrong?? I knew something was not right and my heart sank. So yes the doctor called and all he would tell me over the phone was that he wanted us in the office first thing Monday morning. He said that there was not a blood clot and he would discuss the matter with us on Monday. OMG!!!!!! Really this is my baby here dude I wanted to scream that but did not I just kept it to myself.

Monday morning came around and we went in. We usually until then had seen the physican assist. She came in and you could see it on her face. She joked with Javi and told us Dr. B would be in shortly. Javi kept asking me what was going on and I told him I had no clue. NEVER LIE to your children they know. Dr. B came in and joked with Javi about being a big guy as he is too. Then he got down to business. He pulled up Jbear's CT scan and showed us something amazing. The bone due to swelling had slipped causing a tendon to tear and virtually sawed off the bone and there was no other way to fix it but with surgery. Javi got upset by those words. Dr. B sensed it and told us to schedule for the following day. We did and things went well with all that. 4 screws later, he had to remain non weight bearing until further notice. That meant no school, walking, etc. And for a 14 year old active boy that frankly sucked. And we only had one little trip back to the ER because he tried to get up out of the recliner and fell. All was good though.

Around Thanksgiving, Jbear got to start physical therapy. That was not easy. It had been a month since his injury and he had been in the immobilizer with no movement. He cried the first time as they well tried to bend it and it was not easy. Mentally I was not aware of what was happening with him. I knew he had become withdrawn not able to go to school and bored but I thought that was all it was. Therapy is going well and he has made the statement that he did not want to play for fear of re injuring his leg.

Ok i get that. So Chrsitmas came and went and he was allowed to begin walking. Now I am not sure and I would post the video but he drops the F bomb, but it would make you laugh even in your foulest mood. See Jbear is over 6 foot and weighs 250 something ( at injury date, he weighed 286) and to see him try and take his "first steps" again well all I could do was laugh.. I am a horrible mother for that but darn it that was some funny crap.... He looked like a cross between a gorilla and a gazelle trying to make that leg work. It the leg in question would not cooperate. His arms would flail in the air and he hobbled quite a bit. One day after a serious bending and stretching session of physical therapy, he said to me I am not going to play next year. I asked him why and he said because it is not fun. HOLD THE PHONE BATMAN call Gotham city cause I am not sure we are connected any more.

Shocked I almost wrecked the car. He began to cry. He said it was too much work and all that and that he just did not want to do it any more. HUH???? Hello who are you and what have you done with my Javibear? So being mom and knowing him all too well, as he said this last year and then did it, I played mom psychologist. I ran through the battery of normal questions of what is it that is not fun, I mean you seemed to be enjoying practice in the heat puking and never complained. See he is cut from the same cloth as I was. He is stubborn and independent to a fault. He does what he is told and well keeps his anger in check until he has had a gut full of your crap and then he lets you know about it. That is bad and good at the same time. He also does not want to disappoint anybody.

It was on this ride home that I realized he wants to play and that the its not fun and too much work is an excuse to keep peace and save face as he is terrified that he will get hurt again. I know how he feels in that realm. Its like me being terrified of getting married again. So I told him just keep doing physical therapy and not make any rash decisions right now. I also told his coaches and Dr. as well it unnerved me that he was feeling this afraid. Jbear has never been afraid. I also left the conversation alone. Which may have made things worse.

His coaches are wonderful. They were there when he had surgery and have continued to be there. They when finding out what he was saying, talked to him and encouraged him and told him he was needed and he is an asset to the team. He still is insisting that he does not want to play.During a recent ARD meeting for him, it was discussed. The diagnostician even told him that from what she understood he was scholarship material. He got mad and I knew it. So long short of it we told him to leave that door open and not shut it as it would be easier to take football off as to add it to the new schedule. He still is insisting he is not playing.

FINE! I understand but son, son think about this, think about the opportunities you could have. I know it is hard work but is you fixing your knee not hard work as well? I mean you love it and I know it and so does the rest of the free world. We know you are terrified beyond words of getting hurt but seriously do not give up. You said you always wanted to play with Rothlesberger (?) and all mommy can see is you giving up your dream. So here we sit waiting... He has to make his schedule out for next year in about a month. He has done this to me before, but this time there is something different about the way he says he is not going to play. He has changed physically and mentally. And it scares me. I told him that if he truly did not want to play that he himself had to face his coaches and tell them face to face that I would not do it nor would the counselor. Oh he thinks they just won't notice until the start of football camp and whatnot but they will they know all just like mom. They too have their spies in the sky...

Please do not misunderstand me here. If he truly does not want to play fine then don't, but again son, you were cut from me an almost perfect match to be exact ( you can take my photo, my dads and his at about 5 years of age and lay them side by side and we look like triplets.) and you can not hide from the greatest hider of emotions. The gig is up dude... Jbear you gonna have to give me better reason why you do not want to play other then its not fun, we are not gonna win, and its too much work. Nope not gonna cut it... I mean you as a freshman team played and won against teams that your varsity lost to and made a name for yourselves. Rumor has it that there are some teams scared of these next two seasons because of you freshman. Even your oldest brother says so and your youngest too. Although I do agree it is your decision. BUT THINK THINK!!!! My only concern is that you will give up on your dream and become well like mom frustrated.

So this all said,  I now have to prepare us for the witness protection  program, my new name and get things out of the house so that when it burns, we will at least have our clothes. I am thinking we can move to Siberia for at least 6 months before they find us and then maybe Costa Rica from there who knows. It has been nice knowing all my friends and all but I gotta go now... =) I am kidding at least I think. By the way for the curious of you, yes his leg is fine in fact as Dr. B put it almost bionic and the chances of injuring it or his knee slim to none. He is walking almost normally now and has begun to put weight back on.

Who gets the blame?

So evidently that last two blogs were on the deep, philosophical side huh? Well tonight I will try to be my humorous self..... I am tired so bare with me... No I did not say bare it with me I meant hold on and let my mind wander a little.. 

So today in English class, our assignment is to write an essay on positionally on the feminist side. So our first instructions were to write, I AM you fill in the blank 20 times.. Sounds easy right? Well for the most part it was and it was fun. The second set of instructions were to take a blank sheet of paper and draw a map to an extent. Ok this "map" is not of the geographaical or topical sort. We were instructed to place a big dot any color of our chosing and place it on the "map" where we are right now today. Sounds easy right? NOT SO MUCH... See I first placed my dot in the center of the page, then after careful thought, I moved it to the lower left hand corner. Why?? Why not be the center of the universe?? I mean after all it is my universe right?? HA!!!! Not so dang fast. See positionally is all about where you are today right now and how you got to here. Yep this is one of those you gotta think about who you are and what you want things.. The professor says "it is fairly simple." HA! 

In some sense it is simple. The reason we are here is because of this that or the other. But the remainder of that is about goals. Yes I have them and some are as simple as make it one week without over sleeping HA not happened and that has been a goal for well let us just pretend a long time maybe like since dirt was invented... One of my longer range goals is to become a Judge. HA scared you all didn't I... See I have some secrets from my friends but not many. And I will get there, I may just have hearing aids and a walker by then. The "little" people who reside with hubby and me have declared that I will never be the proud owner of a little rascal scooter. The excuse they gave me was that they were afraid I would mow people down who got in my way. HA !!!!!!!! Well ok so the whole thing about me running their dad over with the suburban has well kinda been blown out of text and it is not as bad as it sounds. Well ok I admit I did BACK over him but I was only going 10 mph and I was not aware he was there. It was an accident no harm no foul. He has however learned to steer clear of me and any motorized vehicle since that time.. OH I digress.....

The reason this is hard for me is that I am one of the few people on the planet who do not place blame for my situation on others and circumstances. I do not wallow in it oh from time to time I might but not that often. True 25 years ago I could have taken the college route and been close to retirement now, but no I decided to have kids and a "career." I could have easily blamed my mom and family situation for it but case in fact, I have no one but myself to blame. I figured out a long time ago that you can not no matter what change a zebras strips or leopards spots. I am me take me love me, like me or leave me. I am me and that is that. I will if you ask me my opinion tell you honestly what I think. This at times offends people. I have sought help from "professionals" as I have been told by family members that I have "issues." The result of that in seeing SEVERAL was that I have a strong personality and I see black and white and shades of gray. I was told that I am a "deep" thinker thus causing me to be me without placing blame on others. My theory has been this, if you have to sugar coat something or be careful with your words, then it is not worth you even saying. And for the most part, when I tell you I will do something I will. And when I tell you I am DONE I am. I do believe in second chances but not third and fourth helpings of them. Again this has caused issues with some family members who think to this day that I have "issues." HA!!!!!! Well maybe I do but we do not need to discuss them......=)

So here I sit working on this "map" with my dot in the corner. The corner is the starting point to an eventual end of where I want to be. I get that I just do not get the in between and the beginning. So here I sit all broken hearted Oh crap that is another blog, So here I sit trying to figure it all out of how I got to where I am. See the reason this is hard on me is this..... I simply woke up on morning it was July 2, 2008 to be exact and stared up at the ceiling and went WHAT THE F#@$ am I doing??? I am almost 40 years old and have 3 kids to support and this is not what I want to do with my life. BOOM that simple. No blame on anybody. So the reason this is hard is well I do not blame my mom or my past on how I got where I am today. It was solely my decision. Oh sure I could have pulled out the well daddy left before I was born and we lived with my grandparents and at 16 I had to take the reins and run the ship as my granny had to depart for a little bit and I dropped out of school and I have had 2 marriages fall apart, but you know I have no one but myself to blame. Sure that offer to go to Texas Tech and on to law school out of high school was a decent one but I was not through "sowing my wild oats" and so what if in the process I had three wonderful little boogers. Did it mame anyone or kill anyone? Not that I know of. 

It does not matter, what matters is how you develop from this.Meaning did you constantly place blame on things for your outcomes or short comings or do you say it is not anyone's fault but my own?  For some in my family this is hard for them to take and they say that this is my illness in not placing responsibility and that is why I am 40 and just getting my first college degree. That we never had or never were taught responsibility when we were growing up and that we have no understanding of what life and relationships are like... WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!! Look in the mirror is all I can say.

So that said, I have to figure out how I got here. I know how, and maybe part of me does not want to explain it. My only real problem now is should I leave out the part about running over my ex????? I mean after all maybe that is why I am where I am today......... =) Just saying it really was an accident.......

So this one may get a little religious and sappy for some of you. Just warning you all up front... =) Some of this has been spawned from well getting married and the topic of the next 5 sermons from church. It just has me thinking quiet a bit. OH maybe I should not think huh???? Maybe it is because I received news today of a third couple that have split the so called  blanket in as much as the last month. Yes three seemingly happy couples who mind you have made it past the 5 year mark in two of the cases and one that lasted about 2 years. One hit a milestone with 10 years recently.  And one more couple who are trying but it seems to not be working.

As most of you know I am a newlywed 3 whole days to be exact.. It feels great. All warm and tingly and all that.  BUT oh you knew it was coming, this is my third go a round at this marriage thing. So far so good. So that said what happened in the others to well end it, and will God be happy with me about it? I do not know the two times I got divorced it was well one was severely abusive and the other thought the grass was greener on the other side of the street literally.  I got to thinking what did I miss? So I am trying to help you all and us as well. Oh we are fine and we just want to keep it that way for a long time.

The bible in Genesis 2:18-25 gives an explanation of marriage and how it came to be about. There are 5 key words, that we should all take from that and really think about them and build on them.

1. EXCLUSIVE - God designed marriage to be exclusive and to take priority over everything else in your life. It was designed to be just two until children come along and then it is still designed to be just the two of you.  To be exclusive, every marriage needs time, devotion, a little elbow grease called work, and attention. You need to give it your undivided attention and invest in it as you would a savings account. Most couples do great the first couple of years and then things happen and they stop. They stop investing. They stop paying attention. Sure this is hard if both parties are working their rears off but you can still give it your attention. Take the two of us for example, now I am not a "degreed person" but I do know that with me in school and him working and three kids and mom it is hard to find that attention time, but you have to do it. You have to make it worth while even if it something as frivolous as going to the grocery store together. Heck we snuck away once to the laundry mat and you know it was fun. It is those little attention things that keep it going.

2. PERMANANT- God designed marriage to be permanent. To be glued and inseparable. Meaning he never meant for divorce to be created. Think about it you loved this person enough at one time to enter into marriage with him or her so what is about them now that you no longer like. Many times we enter into a marriage or relationship for that matter with things about the other that we do not like. Some times those things we do not like about that other person are a reflection of ourselves. We try to change them to the way we want them to be. This my friends so will be an epic fail every time. Long short of it BEFORE you decide to marry someone make sure that there is nothing you can not live with or are willing to live with for the remainder of your days. If there is doubt, then sit down together and talk about it.

3. ONE- God designed marriage to be one. To embrace each other and not to clone or change. Look at your spouse as a gift from God. You are becoming or are a unit, meaning one part relies on the other to work, much like a car needs gas to run, you and your spouse need each other to keep on going like the energizer bunny. Or imagine if you will you are a pillar holding up a roof. You hold each other up.

4. SECURE- God designed marriage to be secure. Meaning you have nothing to hide from each other, and where there is acceptance given and taken. ( please do not take this to mean taken for granted by your spouse.) It simply means that you do no harm to each other nor any one else and that no matter what there should not be secrets and nothing should you hide from each other. Oh sure there are times when hubby and I forget to tell each other things, but we have no secrets our cards have been laid out on the table before us. Oh sure a girl can not reveal all to him but you have to. Do not dwell on the past just simply lay it out and get rid of it. Then if you do have words, do not use them at a later time as ammunition, or hold it inside. Its done over stick a fork in it. You can not throw things up to your spouse from the past. It is easier said then done but you can do it.

5. INTIMATE- God designed marriage to be intimate. Oh now stop sure you and I know what that means, but that is not really what it starts out as. IN -TO -ME -SEE means, you share the deepest part of your life and self with the other which requires risk, and opening your self up and being totally honest about your self and with your self. Sure intimacy leads to sex it always does but again it is those little things that make this such a wonderful thing. For example, hubby teases me about cooking and says we have a modern dinner bell meaning when I cook the smoke detector goes off, but at the same time he is smiling and cuddling me and laughing. This intimacy is also a process of revealing and receiving and learning how to relate to each other. It is not correcting each other or fixing each other but learning to say I love you and know that I am teasing you. Some days when he knows it has been rough for me, he will make me laugh and he will always grab me and hug me. That is when I know its gonna be ok.

So what steps are we taking to keep the 5 words going? Well it is hard, but like right now, he is on his computer and I am on mine. We are in the same room together and talking and laughing and sharing. And OMG he tooted yes its gross but funny because we both laughed.. So see it is fun and that is what its about being one and together. It is knowing that at the end of the day even when the dog is mad at me hubby still loves me. It is knowing that no matter how bad I screw up on and assignment or test, he is there to encourage me to go forward. And vice versa.

So what happened BEFORE him? Well one thing is that we stopped trying. We stopped communicating about anything. We stopped being one. We stopped being secure and exclusive. We stopped working. And one stopped being exclusive which caused the glue of permanent to become undone. So how do we keep it within the 5 you ask?? I am not certain but we have talked about it and read about it and are implementing things to keep it going.. We make time each day even though it may be as we are getting in bed to talk. Not even about anything just talk. Usually it involves a fair amount of tickling but hey we still communicate. We have taken an vow and yes in front of the judge to remember to look at our rings and think about things when the circle becomes a triangle. It is hard but both of us are willing to commit to doing that. Oh sure it is easy to say I AM DONE and walk away, but that is not what you want either of you. We took that vow of to love, honor and cherish in sickness and in health for better or worse richer or poorer ( man wish we had money i almost laugh at the richer part and thought how much poorer can we get) to death due us part. And we vowed to be honest with ourselves and each other and to love each other unconditionally no matter what through the good, bad, and ugly. And we talk all the time. Sure that is hard as well but you have to make time to do it. And some of our talking is not always in the form of verbal communication. Some are texts, facebook posts and so on, but the point is we are doing it and we are becoming more so ONE and Exclusive. We are learning to depend on each other more so then we ever have.

Some say that there are things you should do to win the affection of others, but although that maybe true, it is not all that you need to do. Do not go off and purchase things without the other knowing about it and having not discussed it. It takes both of you to get married and it takes both of you to work at it and both of you to do daily things like the dishes and laundry and all that. It also takes both of you to break that bond of unity. Think about it.

Most people in divorces say well he did this or she did that but if they would just stop and think, you both did something. And I understand there is only so much one human can take, but take a deep breath and think why am i so angry with him/her? What is it about this that I can do to help fix this? Most divorces are seriously over petty things such as money and things of that sort. If you stop and think before you commit and think about this are you really ready to settle with one person for the remainder of your days or do you still want to play? Maturity has a lot to do with marriage.

For instance, one couple, they have been married, and have kids and she wants to go out "with the girls" weekly. Ok now do not misunderstand me here, but that is fine I just do not believe that it should be on a weekly basis. Once in a while once a month is ok but not every week. He got upset and mentioned it and it started WW3. She threw it up at him that he works all the time and she never sees him blah blah blah... WAIT hold the phone batman did you hear what was said???? SHE NEVER SEES HIM he never talks to her... Ok so let me get this straight, you go out housewife on your husbands money once a week with the girls, yet he is home every night even though it is late, and you never see him? Hmmmmm so how long has it been since you like I don't know rented a movie and put the little ones to bed early and watched it with him and talked? OH he comes home and goes to bed because as he puts it you grip at him when he gets home??? Hmmmmm maybe I am insane, well I know I am, but how about instead of you chewing him out you say honey i missed you tonight and I am glad you are home and just sit down and talk. He knows it is rough on you being at home with the little ones but you know it is rough on him as well.

Or another couple, she started flirting with an old flame and it got sort of out of control. How out of control we can only speculate but none the less it did. Her excuse was that he had stopped treating her like he used to. GROW up sister friend, people grow and we mature and sometimes things don't always remain the same. You have to grow with that and take it. Have you told him how you feel? No you just simply kept your mouth shut and went on. He loves you but you have to stop. Hubby knows that there is an old flame on my page, and as he put it that is fine just don't be like going to dinner, etc with him. There is a fine line there that should not be crossed. It is ok for members of the opposite sex to be friends as long as that is as far as it goes. And you should not hide the fact that you communicate with the opposite sex as long as it is above the standard of non flirtatious.

Again I am off my soap box.  I am no expert or Dr. Phil or anybody just been there a time or two. Must be the night for it. I have to go now and go to bed. I am praying for all of you that are going through a rough spot in your marriage. Only you and your spouse can fix it. It is up to the two of you to do that. No one else can do it for you. Even though divorce is costly and easy to do, think really think about what you are doing and why. Really think about how you got to where you are and why.

Night.... much love and kisses......

Hey read this and see if it helps at least maybe it will get you started thinking
: Genesis 2:18-25,  Esther 1:20-22,   Proverbs 5:18; 18:22; 31:10-31

Sea of ?????

So this week has been eventful to say the least... First it started with Mom's car not starting( she needed a new battery) and a tireless search for a dress that was not hooker red or black.. Please note at 7:57 p.m.Monday night,  I settled for black. Then Tuesday I got married to the love of my life. And Wednesday I started the spring semester. Sometime between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, my car decided it had enough. I mean it is entitled to as I am but I did not need it to do it then, it just said F U B!!!  

So Wednesday morning at 30 something years old, my mommy had to take me to school... It was odd, as well when I was growing up she was never able to as she worked and had to be there before I did; most times, I rode the bus. So hubby decided to take a look at it and with the help of the internet and a few changes to relays and fuses, it was decided that "a qualified specialist" needed to at least look at it. I mean how hard can it be to fix it?? I mean everything would come on it just refused to start. Windows would roll down, radio and heat worked even the headlights, it just simply refused to start. I know how it felt there are so many days and as of late many more that I have refused to start.

So now here we are Thursday morning, with him going to Dallas and then Ennis and lord knows where else with the wonders of modern technology and an electronic communication device, he called not only the dealer, but the towing company all while driving his 18 wheeler down the highway. About 10 something, I witnessed my car on facebook on the back of a wrecker. WOW, 5 maybe even as far back as 7 years ago we had no capability of things like that. 

So what is my point to this insane rambling you ask???? YAWN as you think about leaving. Hey its cool I understand. Well I am not certain that there is a point but more a feeling or statement.. I have heard it said in sociology and psychology classes and read parts of the book, the McDonalization of society that we a on the fast track to becoming a society of non thinkers and full of self need and gratification. The book speaks of a society where we have all become reliant on the use of technology and how we want instant gratification.It speaks of how we have become dependent on the use of computers and cell phones and other things of the sort to "make life easier."  It is odd. 

Take my car, the wonderful world of modern technology has created an item that is needed everyday of the week to transport us that breaks down and can no longer be fixed without the use of a computer. No longer can the mom and pop shop fix most cars. No it has to be taken in to the dealer or the big guys. Long short of it, my key fob which is in no way a "normal" key is what has to be replaced. It is also not a cheap fix and there is no promises that it will solve the problem. Car manufactures have made cars where they rely on computers. So I ask you has your computer ever died on you? Yes and you have been like a wounded bird unable to fly. You feel isolated and cut off from the world. It gets better just keep reading.

So see here we go, I rely on my car just as my cell phone and computer to get me and the kids here and there and most everywhere but when it stops, it takes days even weeks to fix. Imagine my panic Wednesday morning when the car would not start. Imagine my panic when we called the small guy or rather hubby called and was told "I can "diagnose" your problem but can not fix it and I am not in the business of taking money unnecessarily, it will be easier if you take it in." HUH??? What do you mean by that? What he meant was due to our, yes, our need for instant gratification and hurry up let us do it now I can not wait, he can  look at my car or any car but one that operates off a sole computer chip he is no longer able to fix. I mean really he is like one of the family he has fixed my cars for years, even sent me flowers when kids one and two were born and now he is telling me that since we have a  hurry up and wait society that car makers are making cars where he, little guy, can no longer fix it. I am dumbfounded by this. I guess when I bought the car I never really considered that it would die, but it did. Never did that thought cross my mind. I mean the thought never occurred to me. And now I am paying the consequences of it.

But that is my point. We want it now and have to have it now. We want bigger and better and the latest and greatest with out much thought to how it is affecting our lives. We no longer want to work hard for what we have and want or need.We just simply go about getting this or that or the other simply to make life easier and happier.  We are available at the touch of a button and spew our lives for 7 billion people to see. There is no "taking it easy or just chillin."  There is no longer "family" or Sunday dinners with the kids or even nightly dinners and I my friends am guilty of it as well. Society has dictated to us that we "keep up with the Jonses." ( No offense to my Jones friends) Even our children the younger generations are suffering and in the worst way. It has taught us and them that we have to rush here and there and get nothing done. Albeit we think we have but in reality we have accomplished nothing but stress and bills and anguish.

Our younger generations have no "thinking outside the box" skills or coping skills for the things that go wrong in there lives. The boys in example of the car were like so that means that we can not go to school today? They have no motivation or direction and frankly have really not received any. They are taught how to take a test and the needed information on that test. Oh sure there are parents who like myself have tried to teach their children those thinking skills and life skills as they call it but it is like beating ones head into a wall when they see it from their friends and frankly society. I remember in school we had things like Future homemakers of America, and Business Professionals and so on. It was in these settings that we not only learned a "trade" but we learned life lessons like how to balance a check book, and how to type on an actual typewriter even something such as filling out a job application or loan application. Sure they have this new up and coming school of career and technology opening here in our district, but when I looked at some of the things listed they were offering frankly it concerns me a great deal. What concerns me about it is yes you are teaching these kids a "skill" but are you teaching them what to do to be productive members of society? There are some parents who do not have the desire or time, but that is why we need things like citizenship and life skills type things in school. But hey who am I? I am a high school drop out with a GED and 24 hours toward a degree with 3 kids and school loans to pay- the point is, I have always had an inkling of what I really honestly wanted to do when I grew up, it was a matter of  I was not able to do it until now. But I have an 18 year old that when asked what do you want to do with your life has not a clue in the world. He has no clue. I mean I knew what types of careers and things were out there when I was in 8th grade. In fact we had a class in 8th grade, that showed us jobs and careers and things I can not remember the name of the class but I remember it well. I overheard a conversation about a youngling who called to register this week. Now keep in mind that this week was the start of the spring semester and the youngster asked "so I have to come to school this week?" SERIOUSLY?????? (sorry guys I had to use this )I have another friend who mentioned one day "what are they teaching these kids in school now a days?" I inquired as to what she meant as well you know inquiring minds want to know, and she mentioned that they have no knowledge how to spell or use spell check or even something as basic as writing a paragraph. They seem to not know their alphabets and have to be hand held and told even how to breathe..

Reports have said that children are waiting longer to go onto an institution of higher education as in they are waiting until their 20s to do it and they are living at home longer. But hey who can blame them? They have no clue what to do. That is sad truly sad. And when they do figure it out, they want it and fast. They do not want to wait and work their way up... Ahhhhh see there it is again the McDonaldization. And sure they hear you can make this large amount of money, but they have no clue that when they first start out, they are making less, and they have no clue that there is rent/mortgage and things of that nature that have to be paid.   And when they are not raking in the mega money, they simple give up and go on. Hummmmmm. Do you see the pattern here?? Bigger, better, faster and best. 

I am not sure what the future holds for any of us. I do know that we have to at some point say enough is enough. I mean me "journaling" or Blogging is another fine example of this. I mean it is a great way to keep in touch and all and a good way to "vent" but when I honestly think about it and the other millions who do it, I think about the younger generations who are up and coming what will happen to them if some day there are no more computers or cell phones? I am afraid for us 30 to 40 somethings safety let alone those who are older then we. I mean think about it... Do you really want a 20 year old doctor wavering on how to save your life? If they can not make normal everyday decisions how can we expect them to make life altering decisions? Sobering thought huh? Reality bites?

So now that I have bored you to tears and gotten down off my soap box, I am going to do homework. As this was the beginning of school week for the spring semester you know. And the car well they are hoping that replacing my key fob which they said will take about a week and doing something called "flashing my car" ( I am not sure sounds perverted to me) that it will be fixed. However, they did say that there is no promise or guareentee that the fob going out will not cause more problems. In other words we have to do something out of the norm, and WAIT...

Have a super Friday and in case I do not see you have a terrific weekend.

Why Monday???

So today has been Monday all over it... It started last night.. I am not certain how I am going to muddle through this... I just want to know why can things like this only happen on Monday?? I mean really.....