YOU WHAT??????????????????

Javibear to mom " Mom I have officially decided that I am not going to play football next year." Me " What do you mean that you are not going to play?????" Jbear " It is not fun and well i just don't want to." Me " Son do you realize that we are  going to have to go into the witness protection program get assumed names like Jane and Mary and Frank and George??? And that the coaches are going to burn our house to the ground?" Yes ladies and gentlemen there you have it... This conversation has taken place over the last month a couple of times. Now before you go wiggin out on me for being an overbearing and pushy mom let me explain...

Flash back with me to October 14, 2010. It was a warm fall night and the stars were shinning brightly. Jbear was playing against Denton Gueyer at home. About mid way through the 2nd quarter, he took a nasty hit. I did not witness the hit, but my mom did and grabbed me and said "It's Javi he won't get up." PANIC set in. Immediately I saw the trainer and head coach hefting him off the field. Ok so here is where the mom in me kicks in.. I made way onto that field sideline with Hubby and family yelling at me. I did not care that was my baby.. So half time was beginning and they carted him off to the field house. It was there that the trainer pulled Hubby and I to the side and said horrifying words " I am fairly certain he has completely blown out his whole knee." Those are not words you want to hear coupled with "his knee feels like a bowl of jello". Coaches circled in and out while Javi, prone on a table leg elevated with ice on it laughed in pain. Yes folks he laughs when he hurts he always has. Ok so what do we do? Go to the Er or what?? The trainer being buddies with one of the top knee guys in Fort Worth, called right then at 8 something at night and got us an appointment for the next day. We helped Javi get in the car and gathered his belongings. Coaches and trainer watched us drive away wondering the same thing we were WOULD HE EVER PLAY AGAIN? It was a seemingly long ride home. Javi were in the car alone as we had for whatever reason taken two cars. He cried and I cried. He pounded the backseat in anger and frustration over feeling like he let his "team family" down. This was a hard pill for me to swallow. He loves football. Went last summer in the soaring 105 degree heat, puking his guts up the first three weeks of  practices only to have his dream shattered.Or so he thought.

The next day we saw the orthopedic doctor/surgeon who reported that it was not his knee but that he had broken his femur in two places into the growth plate. OUCH but this was good news. Well ok but it is just go with it. Javi was pleased as he was not going to have to have surgery. His orders were on crutches with an immobilizer and no weight on it for at least 6 weeks. They had to wait until the swelling went down to be able to cast it. Jbear was excited about getting a cast. OH and because it was in the growth plate, we would be seeing the doctor weekly for a while. No problem we got it solved. Javi tried to go back to school that next week but it did not work out so well. We went to our Dr. appt. and they said everything looked good.He had begun complaining of his calf hurting and feeling numb. They were growing a little concerned as the swelling was not subsiding and now the whole calf hurting. So they sent us to get a CT scan and ultra sound to check for a blood clot. WHAT did you say all looks good but he may have a blood clot?? Yes it is possible go over to the hospital and they are expecting you. We will call you first thing tomorrow as we are getting these results stat. Until then,  keep it elevated and iced. He asked if he would be able to play again and they said yes. That is when the bottom fell out literally.

Friday, we waited all day for the doctor to call with the results. I left at least two messages. Everybody kept telling me that no news was good news, but something deep inside told me something was seriously wrong. Finally at 5:30, the nurse called to say the doctor would be calling me on a Saturday to let me know what was going on. Ok wait a doctor an orthopedic doctor calling on a Saturday to tell me what was wrong?? I knew something was not right and my heart sank. So yes the doctor called and all he would tell me over the phone was that he wanted us in the office first thing Monday morning. He said that there was not a blood clot and he would discuss the matter with us on Monday. OMG!!!!!! Really this is my baby here dude I wanted to scream that but did not I just kept it to myself.

Monday morning came around and we went in. We usually until then had seen the physican assist. She came in and you could see it on her face. She joked with Javi and told us Dr. B would be in shortly. Javi kept asking me what was going on and I told him I had no clue. NEVER LIE to your children they know. Dr. B came in and joked with Javi about being a big guy as he is too. Then he got down to business. He pulled up Jbear's CT scan and showed us something amazing. The bone due to swelling had slipped causing a tendon to tear and virtually sawed off the bone and there was no other way to fix it but with surgery. Javi got upset by those words. Dr. B sensed it and told us to schedule for the following day. We did and things went well with all that. 4 screws later, he had to remain non weight bearing until further notice. That meant no school, walking, etc. And for a 14 year old active boy that frankly sucked. And we only had one little trip back to the ER because he tried to get up out of the recliner and fell. All was good though.

Around Thanksgiving, Jbear got to start physical therapy. That was not easy. It had been a month since his injury and he had been in the immobilizer with no movement. He cried the first time as they well tried to bend it and it was not easy. Mentally I was not aware of what was happening with him. I knew he had become withdrawn not able to go to school and bored but I thought that was all it was. Therapy is going well and he has made the statement that he did not want to play for fear of re injuring his leg.

Ok i get that. So Chrsitmas came and went and he was allowed to begin walking. Now I am not sure and I would post the video but he drops the F bomb, but it would make you laugh even in your foulest mood. See Jbear is over 6 foot and weighs 250 something ( at injury date, he weighed 286) and to see him try and take his "first steps" again well all I could do was laugh.. I am a horrible mother for that but darn it that was some funny crap.... He looked like a cross between a gorilla and a gazelle trying to make that leg work. It the leg in question would not cooperate. His arms would flail in the air and he hobbled quite a bit. One day after a serious bending and stretching session of physical therapy, he said to me I am not going to play next year. I asked him why and he said because it is not fun. HOLD THE PHONE BATMAN call Gotham city cause I am not sure we are connected any more.

Shocked I almost wrecked the car. He began to cry. He said it was too much work and all that and that he just did not want to do it any more. HUH???? Hello who are you and what have you done with my Javibear? So being mom and knowing him all too well, as he said this last year and then did it, I played mom psychologist. I ran through the battery of normal questions of what is it that is not fun, I mean you seemed to be enjoying practice in the heat puking and never complained. See he is cut from the same cloth as I was. He is stubborn and independent to a fault. He does what he is told and well keeps his anger in check until he has had a gut full of your crap and then he lets you know about it. That is bad and good at the same time. He also does not want to disappoint anybody.

It was on this ride home that I realized he wants to play and that the its not fun and too much work is an excuse to keep peace and save face as he is terrified that he will get hurt again. I know how he feels in that realm. Its like me being terrified of getting married again. So I told him just keep doing physical therapy and not make any rash decisions right now. I also told his coaches and Dr. as well it unnerved me that he was feeling this afraid. Jbear has never been afraid. I also left the conversation alone. Which may have made things worse.

His coaches are wonderful. They were there when he had surgery and have continued to be there. They when finding out what he was saying, talked to him and encouraged him and told him he was needed and he is an asset to the team. He still is insisting that he does not want to play.During a recent ARD meeting for him, it was discussed. The diagnostician even told him that from what she understood he was scholarship material. He got mad and I knew it. So long short of it we told him to leave that door open and not shut it as it would be easier to take football off as to add it to the new schedule. He still is insisting he is not playing.

FINE! I understand but son, son think about this, think about the opportunities you could have. I know it is hard work but is you fixing your knee not hard work as well? I mean you love it and I know it and so does the rest of the free world. We know you are terrified beyond words of getting hurt but seriously do not give up. You said you always wanted to play with Rothlesberger (?) and all mommy can see is you giving up your dream. So here we sit waiting... He has to make his schedule out for next year in about a month. He has done this to me before, but this time there is something different about the way he says he is not going to play. He has changed physically and mentally. And it scares me. I told him that if he truly did not want to play that he himself had to face his coaches and tell them face to face that I would not do it nor would the counselor. Oh he thinks they just won't notice until the start of football camp and whatnot but they will they know all just like mom. They too have their spies in the sky...

Please do not misunderstand me here. If he truly does not want to play fine then don't, but again son, you were cut from me an almost perfect match to be exact ( you can take my photo, my dads and his at about 5 years of age and lay them side by side and we look like triplets.) and you can not hide from the greatest hider of emotions. The gig is up dude... Jbear you gonna have to give me better reason why you do not want to play other then its not fun, we are not gonna win, and its too much work. Nope not gonna cut it... I mean you as a freshman team played and won against teams that your varsity lost to and made a name for yourselves. Rumor has it that there are some teams scared of these next two seasons because of you freshman. Even your oldest brother says so and your youngest too. Although I do agree it is your decision. BUT THINK THINK!!!! My only concern is that you will give up on your dream and become well like mom frustrated.

So this all said,  I now have to prepare us for the witness protection  program, my new name and get things out of the house so that when it burns, we will at least have our clothes. I am thinking we can move to Siberia for at least 6 months before they find us and then maybe Costa Rica from there who knows. It has been nice knowing all my friends and all but I gotta go now... =) I am kidding at least I think. By the way for the curious of you, yes his leg is fine in fact as Dr. B put it almost bionic and the chances of injuring it or his knee slim to none. He is walking almost normally now and has begun to put weight back on.