So this one may get a little religious and sappy for some of you. Just warning you all up front... =) Some of this has been spawned from well getting married and the topic of the next 5 sermons from church. It just has me thinking quiet a bit. OH maybe I should not think huh???? Maybe it is because I received news today of a third couple that have split the so called  blanket in as much as the last month. Yes three seemingly happy couples who mind you have made it past the 5 year mark in two of the cases and one that lasted about 2 years. One hit a milestone with 10 years recently.  And one more couple who are trying but it seems to not be working.

As most of you know I am a newlywed 3 whole days to be exact.. It feels great. All warm and tingly and all that.  BUT oh you knew it was coming, this is my third go a round at this marriage thing. So far so good. So that said what happened in the others to well end it, and will God be happy with me about it? I do not know the two times I got divorced it was well one was severely abusive and the other thought the grass was greener on the other side of the street literally.  I got to thinking what did I miss? So I am trying to help you all and us as well. Oh we are fine and we just want to keep it that way for a long time.

The bible in Genesis 2:18-25 gives an explanation of marriage and how it came to be about. There are 5 key words, that we should all take from that and really think about them and build on them.

1. EXCLUSIVE - God designed marriage to be exclusive and to take priority over everything else in your life. It was designed to be just two until children come along and then it is still designed to be just the two of you.  To be exclusive, every marriage needs time, devotion, a little elbow grease called work, and attention. You need to give it your undivided attention and invest in it as you would a savings account. Most couples do great the first couple of years and then things happen and they stop. They stop investing. They stop paying attention. Sure this is hard if both parties are working their rears off but you can still give it your attention. Take the two of us for example, now I am not a "degreed person" but I do know that with me in school and him working and three kids and mom it is hard to find that attention time, but you have to do it. You have to make it worth while even if it something as frivolous as going to the grocery store together. Heck we snuck away once to the laundry mat and you know it was fun. It is those little attention things that keep it going.

2. PERMANANT- God designed marriage to be permanent. To be glued and inseparable. Meaning he never meant for divorce to be created. Think about it you loved this person enough at one time to enter into marriage with him or her so what is about them now that you no longer like. Many times we enter into a marriage or relationship for that matter with things about the other that we do not like. Some times those things we do not like about that other person are a reflection of ourselves. We try to change them to the way we want them to be. This my friends so will be an epic fail every time. Long short of it BEFORE you decide to marry someone make sure that there is nothing you can not live with or are willing to live with for the remainder of your days. If there is doubt, then sit down together and talk about it.

3. ONE- God designed marriage to be one. To embrace each other and not to clone or change. Look at your spouse as a gift from God. You are becoming or are a unit, meaning one part relies on the other to work, much like a car needs gas to run, you and your spouse need each other to keep on going like the energizer bunny. Or imagine if you will you are a pillar holding up a roof. You hold each other up.

4. SECURE- God designed marriage to be secure. Meaning you have nothing to hide from each other, and where there is acceptance given and taken. ( please do not take this to mean taken for granted by your spouse.) It simply means that you do no harm to each other nor any one else and that no matter what there should not be secrets and nothing should you hide from each other. Oh sure there are times when hubby and I forget to tell each other things, but we have no secrets our cards have been laid out on the table before us. Oh sure a girl can not reveal all to him but you have to. Do not dwell on the past just simply lay it out and get rid of it. Then if you do have words, do not use them at a later time as ammunition, or hold it inside. Its done over stick a fork in it. You can not throw things up to your spouse from the past. It is easier said then done but you can do it.

5. INTIMATE- God designed marriage to be intimate. Oh now stop sure you and I know what that means, but that is not really what it starts out as. IN -TO -ME -SEE means, you share the deepest part of your life and self with the other which requires risk, and opening your self up and being totally honest about your self and with your self. Sure intimacy leads to sex it always does but again it is those little things that make this such a wonderful thing. For example, hubby teases me about cooking and says we have a modern dinner bell meaning when I cook the smoke detector goes off, but at the same time he is smiling and cuddling me and laughing. This intimacy is also a process of revealing and receiving and learning how to relate to each other. It is not correcting each other or fixing each other but learning to say I love you and know that I am teasing you. Some days when he knows it has been rough for me, he will make me laugh and he will always grab me and hug me. That is when I know its gonna be ok.

So what steps are we taking to keep the 5 words going? Well it is hard, but like right now, he is on his computer and I am on mine. We are in the same room together and talking and laughing and sharing. And OMG he tooted yes its gross but funny because we both laughed.. So see it is fun and that is what its about being one and together. It is knowing that at the end of the day even when the dog is mad at me hubby still loves me. It is knowing that no matter how bad I screw up on and assignment or test, he is there to encourage me to go forward. And vice versa.

So what happened BEFORE him? Well one thing is that we stopped trying. We stopped communicating about anything. We stopped being one. We stopped being secure and exclusive. We stopped working. And one stopped being exclusive which caused the glue of permanent to become undone. So how do we keep it within the 5 you ask?? I am not certain but we have talked about it and read about it and are implementing things to keep it going.. We make time each day even though it may be as we are getting in bed to talk. Not even about anything just talk. Usually it involves a fair amount of tickling but hey we still communicate. We have taken an vow and yes in front of the judge to remember to look at our rings and think about things when the circle becomes a triangle. It is hard but both of us are willing to commit to doing that. Oh sure it is easy to say I AM DONE and walk away, but that is not what you want either of you. We took that vow of to love, honor and cherish in sickness and in health for better or worse richer or poorer ( man wish we had money i almost laugh at the richer part and thought how much poorer can we get) to death due us part. And we vowed to be honest with ourselves and each other and to love each other unconditionally no matter what through the good, bad, and ugly. And we talk all the time. Sure that is hard as well but you have to make time to do it. And some of our talking is not always in the form of verbal communication. Some are texts, facebook posts and so on, but the point is we are doing it and we are becoming more so ONE and Exclusive. We are learning to depend on each other more so then we ever have.

Some say that there are things you should do to win the affection of others, but although that maybe true, it is not all that you need to do. Do not go off and purchase things without the other knowing about it and having not discussed it. It takes both of you to get married and it takes both of you to work at it and both of you to do daily things like the dishes and laundry and all that. It also takes both of you to break that bond of unity. Think about it.

Most people in divorces say well he did this or she did that but if they would just stop and think, you both did something. And I understand there is only so much one human can take, but take a deep breath and think why am i so angry with him/her? What is it about this that I can do to help fix this? Most divorces are seriously over petty things such as money and things of that sort. If you stop and think before you commit and think about this are you really ready to settle with one person for the remainder of your days or do you still want to play? Maturity has a lot to do with marriage.

For instance, one couple, they have been married, and have kids and she wants to go out "with the girls" weekly. Ok now do not misunderstand me here, but that is fine I just do not believe that it should be on a weekly basis. Once in a while once a month is ok but not every week. He got upset and mentioned it and it started WW3. She threw it up at him that he works all the time and she never sees him blah blah blah... WAIT hold the phone batman did you hear what was said???? SHE NEVER SEES HIM he never talks to her... Ok so let me get this straight, you go out housewife on your husbands money once a week with the girls, yet he is home every night even though it is late, and you never see him? Hmmmmm so how long has it been since you like I don't know rented a movie and put the little ones to bed early and watched it with him and talked? OH he comes home and goes to bed because as he puts it you grip at him when he gets home??? Hmmmmm maybe I am insane, well I know I am, but how about instead of you chewing him out you say honey i missed you tonight and I am glad you are home and just sit down and talk. He knows it is rough on you being at home with the little ones but you know it is rough on him as well.

Or another couple, she started flirting with an old flame and it got sort of out of control. How out of control we can only speculate but none the less it did. Her excuse was that he had stopped treating her like he used to. GROW up sister friend, people grow and we mature and sometimes things don't always remain the same. You have to grow with that and take it. Have you told him how you feel? No you just simply kept your mouth shut and went on. He loves you but you have to stop. Hubby knows that there is an old flame on my page, and as he put it that is fine just don't be like going to dinner, etc with him. There is a fine line there that should not be crossed. It is ok for members of the opposite sex to be friends as long as that is as far as it goes. And you should not hide the fact that you communicate with the opposite sex as long as it is above the standard of non flirtatious.

Again I am off my soap box.  I am no expert or Dr. Phil or anybody just been there a time or two. Must be the night for it. I have to go now and go to bed. I am praying for all of you that are going through a rough spot in your marriage. Only you and your spouse can fix it. It is up to the two of you to do that. No one else can do it for you. Even though divorce is costly and easy to do, think really think about what you are doing and why. Really think about how you got to where you are and why.

Night.... much love and kisses......

Hey read this and see if it helps at least maybe it will get you started thinking
: Genesis 2:18-25,  Esther 1:20-22,   Proverbs 5:18; 18:22; 31:10-31